The Sobering Conclusion Rankings

Moving on up!

2007-04-22T20:41:00.000-07:00

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And the 2007 Oscar goes to ...

2007-02-19T13:31:00.000-08:00

Here are my picks for the 79th ACADEMY AWARDS. If I disagree with what I think will happen, I have listed the "should win" underneath.

After the show, I'll post the results here as well. Of course, if you just want to know what should have been nominated and who really should have won these awards, just head on out to the 2006 Anonymous Awards.

In any case, here goes:

● Best Picture: The Departed
-- Should Win: (of this list) Letters From Iwo Jima --

● Director: Martin Scorcese (The Departed)
-- Should Win: Paul Greengrass (United 93) --

● Actor: Forest Whitaker (The Last King of Scotland)

● Actress: Helen Mirren (The Queen)

● Supporting Actor: Eddie Murphy (Dreamgirls)
-- Should Win: (of this list) Jackie Earl Haley (Little Children) --
-- Did Win: Alan Arkin (Little Miss Sunshine) --

● Supporting Actress: Jennifer Hudson (Dreamgirls)
-- Should Win: Rinko Kikuchi (Babel) --

● Adapted Screenplay: The Departed
-- Should Win: (of this list) Children of Men --

● Original Screenplay: Little Miss Sunshine

● Foreign Film: Pan's Labyrinth (Mexico)
-- Did Win: The Lives of Others (Germany)

● Documentary Feature: An Inconvenient Truth
-- Should Win: (of this list) Deliver Us From Evil --

● Animated Feature Film: Cars
-- Should Win: NONE OF THESE, but probably Monster House --
-- Did Win: Happy Feet --

● Cinematography: Children of Men
-- Did Win: Pan's Labyrinth --

● Film Editing: The Departed
-- Should Win: United 93 --

● Art Direction: Pan's Labyrinth

● Costume: Marie Antoinette
-- Should Win: I suppose Curse of the Golden Flower

● Visual Effects: The Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest

● Makeup: Pan's Labyrinth

● Sound Editing: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
-- Did Win: Letters From Iwo Jima --

● Sound Mixing: Dreamgirls
-- Should Win: I suppose Flags of Our Fathers --

● Original Score: Alexandre Desplat (The Queen)
-- Did Win: Gustavo Santaolalla (Babel) --

● Original Song: "Listen" (Dreamgirls)
-- Should Win: (of this list) I'd rather see Randy Newman get it for "Our Town" (Cars) than anything from the ultra-formulaic Dreamgirls --
-- Did Win: "I Need to Wake Up" (An Inconvenient Truth) --

● Documentary Short Subject: Recycled Life
-- Did Win: The Blood Of Yingzhou District --

●Animated Short Film: The Little Matchgirl
-- Did Win: The Danish Poet --

●Live Action Short Film: West Bank Story

The Aftermath:

Wow, my percentage this year sucked more than the idea of interpretive shadow puppets. Of all 24 awards, I only picked 15 winners (63%). However, if I went the route of major film critics and only picked the major awards (picture, director, acting, writing). then I was 7/8 ( 88%). So I'll think of it that way.

Overall, I think Ellen did a good job of hosting. My low expectations were met and exceeded. However my complaints of the night begin with Al Gore.

It's no secret I'm not his biggest fan and I thought his "Academy Award Winning" documentary "An Inconvenient Truth" lacked the ability to inspire people to change and spent entirely too much time on his personal life, which unless it's a cause of global warming, isn't pertinent.

Rather, a better film about helping to change the environmental problems (Who Killed the Electric Car?) wasn't even mentioned or nominated. I guess I'm just annoyed it all seemed like a way to celebrate Gore. I couldn't quite tell from tonight's telecast (what with all the cheering) but is it fair to say that Hollywood actors tend to be Democrats? I half expected Dicraprio to start burning an effegy of an elephant or George W. Bush.

It never fails to amuse me every time I hear Gore say "It's not a political issue, it's a moral issue". Maybe he should have done something while in office then? Like sign the Kyoto Treaty?

Still, my biggest complaint of the night comes from Jerry Seinfeld. He should have won the award for Jerk of the Night.

I'm sure part of my ire comes from having worked in a movie theater but his comments about not wanting to dump his own trash from a theater is bullshit. He said he shouldn't have to because everything is overpriced. Well, maybe he should find out why prices are that high.

Ticket prices determine what theaters get what movies and the theater that can offer the highest gross gets the best films. On the opening week, typically 90% of the ticket money goes to the distributor, not the theater, and unless a film has legs and lasts long enough to tip the percentage toward 50/50, theaters generally make little more than their money back on a film from ticket sales because of the cost of film rental and shipping.

The only place a theater makes its money is concessions. They have to pay off salaries, building and equipment maintenance and everything else involved with running a business, all from popcorn, soda and jujubees.

Next time, Mr. Seinfeld, check out your target before firing a shot. Last time I checked, you hadn't done anything since your show about nothing. Someday I hope you make something.

Moving on, I loved Will Ferrell's afro, and his collaboration with Jack Black and John O'Reilly wanting to take Helen Mirren home with them was the highlight of the night.

It was a good thing Clint Eastwood knows Italian, otherwise Ennio Morricone's speech would have been a bit hard to understand.

Jodie Foster provided the best intro to the memorium section in recent memory though I still find it creepy to hear the applause for dead people based on their popularity within the community.

It was nice to see Diane Keaton in a dress and not some gentlemen's suit from the 1940s. However, she should never be allowed to present again. Why was she yelling everything she read? I have a volume button on my remote and I know how to use it, thank you very much.

And why in the hell was Affleck let back on stage? Did he fool the producers and say Matt Damon was coming with him?

I'd like to thank Eddie Murphy for creating a new word tonight: "Norbited" (v. The loss of an Oscar win due to a crappy film being released just as voters receive their ballots.) I mean, c'mon. All the pundits had him locked in for this award almost as heavily as Mirren or Whitaker. I guess he can blame the distributors for nixing his advancement at this stage in his career.

My last gripe comes at the expense of American Idol loser, Jennifer Hudson. When accepting her award, she exclaimed, "Look what God can do!" Well, all I can tell is that God is a crappy judge of film. There were 4 better performances nominated. It's not quite as bad as Marisa Tomei or Kim Basinger getting their awards but it's not much better.

Well, that's my recap of the 79th Annual Academy Awards. I'm still annoyed at my poor picks but at least I have my Anonymous Awards to help me sleep at night.

Good night, and kiss my ass.

2006 Anonymous Awards

2007-02-19T13:30:00.000-08:00

Here's what should have won this year, in my ever so humble opinion. The winner is listed up front while the runners up are then listed in no particular order.

And congratulations to PowerSurgeon for correctly answering the most winners of the 2006 Anonymous Awards! Your prize will be on its way shortly.

And now, for the results ...

· BEST PICTURE: Children of Men
The Last King of Scotland
Half Nelson
Letters from Iwo Jima
United 93

· DIRECTOR: Paul Greengrass (United 93)
Alfonso Cuaron (Children of Men)
Clint Eastwood (Letters From Iwo Jima)
Kevin Macdonald (The Last King of Scotland)
Stephen Frears (The Queen)

· ACTOR: Forrest Whitaker (The Last King of Scotland)
Ryan Gosling (Half Nelson)
Michael Sheen (The Queen)
Derek Luke (Catch a Fire)
James McAvoy (The Last King of Scotland)

· ACTRESS: Helen Mirren (The Queen)
Naomi Watts (The Painted Veil)
Shareeka Epps (Half Nelson)
Abbie Cornish (Somersault)
Judi Dench (Notes on a Scandal)

· SUPPORTING ACTOR: Tim Robbins (Catch A Fire)
James Cromwell (The Queen)
Daniel Craig (Infamous)
Michael Caine (Children of Men)
Ray Winstone (The Proposition)

· SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Rinko Kikuchi (Babel)
Cate Blanchett (Notes On A Scandal)
Adriana Barraza (Babel)
Vera Farmiga (The Departed)
Claire-Hope Ashitey (Children of Men)

· ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Shawn Slovo (Catch A Fire)
Michael Arndt (Little Miss Sunshine)
Zach Helm (Stranger Than Fiction)
Anna Boden, Ryan Fleck (Half Nelson)
Rian Johnson (Brick)

· ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Jeremy Brock, Peter Morgan (screenplay) Giles Foden (novel) – (The Last King of Scotland)
Alfonso Cuaron, Timothy J. Sexton, David Arata, Mark Fergus & Hawk Ostby (screenplay) P.D. James (novel) - (Children of Men)
Jason Reitman (screenplay), Christopher Buckley (novel) – (Thank You for Smoking)
Jonathan Nolan, Christopher Nolan (screenplay) Christopher Priest (novel) – (The Prestige)

· CINEMATOGRAPHY: Benoit Delhomme (The Proposition)
Robert Humphreys (Somersault)
Wally Pfister (The Prestige)
Rodrigo Prieto (Babel)
Emmanuel Lubezki (Children of Men)

· SCORE: Alexandre Desplat (The Queen)
Decoder Ring (Somersault)
David Julyan (The Prestige)
Gustavo Santaolalla (Babel)

· FILM EDITING: Clare Douglas, Richard Pearson, Christopher Rouse (United 93)
Alfonso Cuaron/Alex Rodriguez (Children of Men)
Lee Smith (The Prestige)

· ART DIRECTION: Eugenio Caballero/Pilar Revuelta (Pan’s Labryinth)
Ray Chan, Paul Inglis, Stuart Rose, Mike Stallion (Children of Men)
Ann Chakraverty, Pierre Pell, Stephane Rosenbaum (The Science of Sleep)
Bill Booth, Marita Mussett, Chris Kennedy(The Proposition)
Kevin Kavanaugh, Julie Ochipinti (The Prestige)

· DOCUMENTARY: Who Killed the Electric Car?
Deliver Us From Evil

This Film Is Not Yet Rated
Jesus Camp

Wordplay

· BEST SONG IN A FILM: "Something Real" by Renee Stahl (The Dead Girl)

· BEST USE OF A BABY ELEPHANT IN A FILM: The Protector

· MOST UNNECESSARY CAMEOS: Bruce Willis (Fast Food Nation), Ben Kingsley (Lucky Number Slevin), Rip Torn (Marie Antoinette)

· MOST INHUMAN BOY / CLONE OF THE YEAR: Cameron Bright (Ultraviolet / X-Men: The Last Stand / Thank You For Smoking)

MOST SURPRISINGLY GOOD PERFORMANCE IN A FILM: Brittany Murphy (The Dead Girl)

· MOST LACKLUSTER & UNINSPIRED PERFORMANCE: Scarlett Johannson (Scoop)

· STILL MOST DESERVING OF MY PHONE NUMBER: Anne Hathaway

· BEST USE OF ROBERT PATRICK IN A FILM: The Marine

· BEST IMITATION OF ROBERT PATRICK RUNNING IN A FILM: Tom Cruise (Mission: Impossible III)

· MOST ANTICLIMACTIC HAIRCUT IN A FILM: Natalie Portman (V for Vendetta)

ACTOR I WISH GOOD LUCK “TAKING IT BACK”: Jeff Anderson (Clerks II)

MOST UNSURPRISING SNUB AT THE 79th ACADEMY AWARDS: This Film Is Not Yet Rated

2006

2007-02-12T10:31:00.000-08:00

The Best Films of the Year:

1. Children of Men
2. The Last King of Scotland
3. Half Nelson
4. United 93
5. Letters from Iwo Jima
6. Little Miss Sunshine
7. Catch a Fire
8. The Queen
9. Akeelah and the Bee
10. Somersault

Another good year of movies. While Hollywood also continued to crank out obnoxious sequels and remakes, talented filmmakers were just as hard as work delivering quality performances and captivating stories.

"The Last King of Scotland" was an inspired collaboration. Forest Whitaker and James McAvoy provided the best one-two performances of the year and fed off of each other to deliver the most intense dynamic on-screen duo this year.

"Children of Men" delivered perhaps the most intelligent film of the year. It didn't dumb down to the common denominator and managed to make all of its action feel natural, contrary to 99% of films which lead you to the result, rather than letting someone contemplate about the film while at the same time being surprised and excited about the journey.

If Whitaker and McAvoy were the best on-screen duo, coming up a close second were Ryan Gosling and Shareeka Epps in "Half Nelson". This powerful drama about trying to do good while being consumed by guilt, addiction and inner turmoil is a true testament to the power of film.

"United 93" got the short end of the stick being released so early in the year. It has all the right elements to take Best Picture and Director at the Academy Awards but it's just too far out of the memory of Oscar voters. Director Paul Greengrass created the most realistic film of the year, plunging audiences back into 9/11. All of the emotions I felt that day were reawakened in this film. Tough to stomach but something no one should ever forget.

"Letters From Iwo Jima" is Clint Eastwood making up for the disappointing "Flags of Our Fathers". It's not often that a society takes a real look at the other side of a war and Eastwood managed to do so without taking sides. An impressive film, it's not truly a war film, perhaps it could be better described as the psychology of the people thrust into war which makes it no less compelling.

"Little Miss Sunshine" is the perverbial little engine that could. From smart writing to well-constructed performances, this tale of a dysfunctional family should resonate with just about anyone. While I've met people who don't quite get the humor as much as I do, I've also discovered those people like Wes Anderson films so I don't care what they think.

"Catch A Fire" was completely lost in the shuffle this year. A powerful story about Apartheid in South Africa, any fan of socially conscious film will appreciate this work. The acting, directing and writing is top notch, highlighted by a wonderfully nuanced supporting performance by Tim Robbins.

"The Queen" takes a "fictional" look at the events inside the Royal Family following the death of Princess Diana. All of the acting is first rate and even if some of the details aren't true, the film is powerful and helped this dumb Yank understand a bit more how a monarchy can still exist in the 21st century.

"Akeelah & The Bee" is a heartwarming family film that hit all of the marks perfectly. Excellent supporting performances by Laurence Fishburne and Angela Bassett bolster a surprisingly good performance by child actor Keke Palmer. It probably helps that I find the National Spelling Bee fascinating since I think half the words they spell were only made up for the purpose of spelling bees.

Rounding out the Top 10 is perhaps my favorite film of the year, "Somersault". A captivating performance by Abbie Cornish, as she crashes and stumbles into adulthood, highlights this ethereal film. A fantastic atmosphere and tone was created by the soundtrack, cinematography and director. For those who know me, this is one of those films that just screams out my name. Happy people need not apply.

The Worst Films of the Year:

1. Date Movie
2. Marie Antoinette
3. The Break-Up
4. C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America
5. Scoop

I wish America would start to learn, especially in the wake of "Date Movie", that when anything comes from at least 1 of the 6 writers of "Scary Movie", it's going to be crap.

"Marie Antoinette" was the first film production allowed to shoot at Versailles. The French haven't done something that stupid since ... okay, bad analogy. But still, this film should have just been put under the guilotine.

"The Break-Up" found an audience that liked it but I don't know why. I literally wanted to fall into a coma and wake up at the end to go home. It was uncomfortable, unfunny and unlikeable.

"C.S.A." was a good idea, doing a what-if stratgey regarding the history of race relations in America but its execution was horrendous.

"Scoop" just returned Woody Allen to the depths of my hated directors' list after he somehow managed to make me sort of like one of his films last year in "Match Point".

Just do yourself a favor and punch the person who tries to make you watch any of these.

The Most Horrible Films That Are Fun To Watch:

1. Ultraviolet
2. The Marine
3. Bloodrayne
4. The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
5. Final Destination 3

"Ultraviolet" shouldn't even be considered a film. Rather, it's like a very stupid dream filtered through an even dumber person's brain and splattered across a movie screen. It's so horrible one can't help but laugh at all of the elements that were overdone, mis-handled or just plain comical.

"The Marine" marks the beginning and end for the acting career of WWE wrester turned wannabe actor, John Cena. Try drinking every time something stupid happens ... oh wait, I shouldn't endorse suicide, huh?

"Bloodrayne" shows once again how Uwe Boll might possibly be the worst big-budget director ever. Hell, even Michael Bay makes his films look good while being dumb. The only thing louder than my laughter during a Boll film might be the screams of agents as their clients beat them mercilessly for telling them to be in the film.

"3 Fast 3 Furious" started okay but the last half delves back into cheesy and hilarious crap. I'm not sure how the female lead grew up in Japan and retained her natural Australian accent but I'm glad she did.

"Final Destination 3" purportedly ends the series but somehow I won't be surprised if number four is around the corner. The deaths aren't as good as those in the second film but the overacting and cheap scares will keep you marvelling at the apparent lack of justification one must make in Hollywood to green light a film.

The Most Underrated/Overlooked Films of the Year:

Miami Vice
Snakes on a Plane
Stranger Than Fiction
Before the Fall

"Miami Vice" didn't seem to find an audience but it's much, much better than I thought it was going to be. Sure, it's a really loose adaptation of the glorious 80's TV show but I'm willing to let it go. Take this film as a stand alone look at undercover cops and the genious of Michael Mann shines through.

"Snakes on a Plane" failed to meet the box office expectations but it hit all the marks of a B-movie. Snakes bite people everywhere they could and should, cheesy dialogue, campy deaths ... if you like B-movies, this is a good one. Plus, what's not to like about Samuel L. Jackson getting a few more monologues?

"Stranger Than Fiction" seems to have lost public consciousness but this is a quality film. Good acting all around and a fun premise do add up in this case.

"Before The Fall" is a wonderful look at the schools the Nazi's used to train officers. If you like films within that field, this is a can't miss.

2006 Anonymous Awards Nominations

2007-02-09T01:43:00.000-08:00

As asked of me last year, I decided to make the 2nd Annual Anonymous Awards somewhat interactive. I wanted to put up polls for each question but I can't figure out how to place them within the confines of the blog so in order to submit your answers, please just copy the text below, paste it into an e-mail and leave only your picks within the message.

Use my gmail address and if you don't have that, either ask me or another person you know for it or you are out of luck because I don't know you and I don't care what you think. :)

I will release the results of this poll on Saturday, Feb. 24, the day before the 79th Academy Award show. Your votes count, as I will compile a consensus winner as well as release my own opinion.

Now onto the categories and nominations. There are some Oscar categories I left out as I couldn't decide if any films merited consideration and I didn't always stick to 5 nominees since I didn't want to stretch for the sake of conforming.

I look forward to your answers, especially those for the blank categories. I also encourage using the post comments feature on this thread to submit new categories for everyone to use and I will submit my own answer as well. (Anyone can post to this, I removed the restrictions about only allowing blogger users. )

So, get those votes into me. The deadline for me to be able to compile everything will be Wednesday, Feb. 21 at 5 p.m. pst.

· BEST PICTURE:
Children of Men
Half Nelson
Last King of Scotland
Letters From Iwo Jima
United 93

· DIRECTOR:
Alfonso Cuaron (Children of Men)
Clint Eastwood (Letters From Iwo Jima)
Kevin Macdonald (The Last King of Scotland)
Stephen Frears (The Queen)
Paul Greengrass (United 93)

· ACTOR:
Ryan Gosling (Half Nelson)
Forrest Whitaker (The Last King of Scotland)
Michael Sheen (The Queen)
Derek Luke (Catch A Fire)
James McAvoy (The Last King of Scotland)

· ACTRESS:
Naomi Watts (The Painted Veil)
Helen Mirren (The Queen)
Shareeka Epps (Half Nelson)
Abbie Cornish (Somersault)
Judi Dench (Notes on a Scandal)

· SUPPORTING ACTOR:
James Cromwell (The Queen)
Tim Robbins (Catch A Fire)
Daniel Craig (Infamous)
Michael Caine (Children of Men)
Ray Winstone (The Proposition)

· SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
Cate Blanchett (Notes On A Scandal)
Rinko Kikuchi (Babel)
Adriana Barraza (Babel)
Vera Farmiga (The Departed)
Claire-Hope Ashitey (Children of Men)

· ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY:
Michael Arndt (Little Miss Sunshine)
Shawn Slovo (Catch A Fire)
Zach Helm (Stranger Than Fiction)
Anna Boden, Ryan Fleck (Half Nelson)
Rian Johnson (Brick)

· ADAPTED SCREENPLAY:
Alfonso Cuaron, Timothy J. Sexton, David Arata, Mark Fergus & Hawk Ostby (screenplay) P.D. James (novel) - (Children of Men)
Jeremy Brock, Peter Morgan (screenplay) Giles Foden (novel) – (The Last King of Scotland)
Jason Reitman (screenplay), Christopher Buckley (novel) – (Thank You For Smoking)
Jonathan Nolan, Christopher Nolan (screenplay) Christopher Priest (novel) – (The Prestige)

· CINEMATOGRAPHY:
Robert Humphreys (Somersault)
Wally Pfister (The Prestige)
Rodrigo Prieto (Babel)
Emmanuel Lubezki (Children of Men)
Benoit Delhomme (The Proposition)

· SCORE:
Alexandre Desplat (The Queen)
Decoder Ring (Somersault)
David Julyan (The Prestige)
Gustavo Santaolalla (Babel)

· FILM EDITING:
Alfonso Cuaron/Alex Rodriguez (Children of Men)
Clare Douglas, Richard Pearson, Christopher Rouse (United 93)
Lee Smith (The Prestige)

· ART DIRECTION:
Ray Chan, Paul Inglis, Stuart Rose, Mike Stallion (Children of Men)
Eugenio Caballero/Pilar Revuelta (Pan’s Labryinth)
Ann Chakraverty, Pierre Pell, Stephane Rosenbaum (The Science of Sleep)
Bill Booth, Marita Mussett, Chris Kennedy(The Proposition)
Kevin Kavanaugh, Julie Ochipinti (The Prestige)

· DOCUMENTARY:
Deliver Us From Evil
Who Killed The Electric Car?
This Film Is Not Yet Rated
Jesus Camp
Wordplay

· BEST SONG IN A FILM:

· BEST USE OF A BABY ELEPHANT IN A FILM:

· MOST UNNECESSARY CAMEOS:

· MOST INHUMAN BOY / CLONE OF THE YEAR:

· MOST SURPRISINGLY GOOD PERFORMANCE IN A FILM:

· MOST LACKLUSTER & UNINSPIRED PERFORMANCE:

· STILL MOST DESERVING OF MY PHONE NUMBER:

· BEST USE OF ROBERT PATRICK IN A FILM:

· BEST IMITATION OF ROBERT PATRICK RUNNING IN A FILM:

· MOST ANTICLIMACTIC HAIRCUT IN A FILM:

· ACTOR I WISH GOOD LUCK “TAKING IT BACK”:

· MOST UNSURPRISING SNUB AT THE 79th ACADEMY AWARDS:

Latest and Greatest ...

2006-11-18T18:50:00.000-08:00

I decided I wanted to see the best of each year put together another way than just by the year. So each category I rank annually now has an additional option. You can now view by the best of each year, or the worst of each year, or maybe just the underrated and overlooked of each year.

One of these days I'll keep working on this section of the site but for now, it's all I can do to keep putting up reviews. So, sorry I've been so casual about this portion. I hope you still find some fun in it though.

And remember, when you buy a movie ticket, you're supporting the film. When you buy concessions, you're supporting the theater. Try the veal!

The Best Films of Each Year

2006-11-16T16:12:00.000-08:00

2006

1. Children of Men
2. The Last King of Scotland
3. Half Nelson
4. United 93
5. Letters from Iwo Jima
6. Little Miss Sunshine
7. Catch a Fire
8. The Queen
9. Akeelah and the Bee
10. Somersault

2005

1. A History of Violence
2. Capote
3. Junebug
4. Mysterious Skin
5. Tsotsi
6. Memoirs of a Geisha
7. The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada
8. Brokeback Mountain
9. Breakfast on Pluto
10. Munich

2004

2003

2002

2001

1. Donnie Darko
2. Amelie
3. Memento
4. Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring
5. Black Hawk Down
6. Sexy Beast
7. Elling
8. Mulholland Drive
9. The Dish
10. Life As A House

2000

1. You Can Count On Me
2. Wonder Boys
3. Requiem For A Dream
4. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
5. Amores Perros
6. Traffic
7. Billy Elliot
8. Almost Famous
9. High Fidelity
10. Gladiator

1999

1. The Cider House Rules
2. Fight Club
3. October Sky
4. The Insider
5. Boys Don’t Cry
6. The Red Violin
7. Anywhere But Here
8. Man On The Moon
9. Three Kings
10. Payback

1998

1. Saving Private Ryan
2. American History X
3. The Big Lebowski
4. Pleasantville
5. Out of Sight
6. The Truman Show
7. Dark City
8. Rounders
9. Fallen
10. BASEketball

1997

1. Good Will Hunting
2. The Apostle
3. Ulee’s Gold
4. L.A. Confidential
5. The Game
6. Cop Land
7. As Good As It Gets
8. Contact
9. The Edge
10. Grosse Pointe Blank

1996

1. Sling Blade
2. The English Patient
3. Swingers
4. Fargo
5. Lone Star
6. That Thing You Do!
7. Ghost In The Shell
8. The Ghost And The Darkness
9. A Time To Kill
10. Scream

1995

1. Leaving Las Vegas
2. Dead Man Walking
3. Braveheart
4. The Usual Suspects
5. Seven
6. Heat
7. The Basketball Diaries
8. Twelve Monkeys
9. Babe
10. Toy Story

1994

1993

1. Schindler’s List
2. Philadelphia
3. The Piano
4. Menace II Society
5. Bopha!
6. A Bronx Tale
7. True Romance
8. The Fugitive
9. Falling Down
10. Jurassic Park

1992

1. Unforgiven
2. The Crying Game
3. A Few Good Men
4. Glengarry Glen Ross
5. Reservoir Dogs
6. Malcolm X
7. Last of the Mohicans
8. A League of Their Own
9. Of Mice and Men
10. Sneakers

1991

1990

The Worst Films of Each Year

2006-11-15T16:25:00.000-08:00

2006

1. Date Movie
2. Marie Antoinette
3. The Break-Up
4. C.S.A.: The Confederate States of America
5. Scoop

2005

1. Prime
2. In Her Shoes
3. The Matador
4. The Dukes of Hazzard
5. The Longest Yard

2004

1. Super Babies: Baby Geniuses 2
2. I Heart Huckabees
3. Ocean's Twelve
4. Taxi
5. The Whole Ten Yards

2003

1. Gigli
2. Daredevil
3. Paycheck
4. Just Married
5. Phone Booth

2002

2001

1. Freddy Got Fingered
2. Tomcats
3. Town & Country
4. Pearl Harbor
5. Planet of the Apes

2000

1. Scary Movie
2. The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle
3. The Flintstones - Viva Rock Vegas
4. Reindeer Games
5. Meet The Parents

1999

1. Baby Geniuses
2. Inspector Gadget
3. The Bachelor
4. Wild Wild West
5. Eyes Wide Shut

1998

1. There's Something About Mary
2. The Last Days Of Disco
3. Snake Eyes
4. Sphere
5. Godzilla

1997

**SPECIAL HONORARY AWARD**

The Most Overhyped, Overwatched, Overearning Movie Of All Time:

---------- "TITANIC" ----------

This film isn’t really all that bad. But it’s far, far, FAR from being good enough to garner the response it did. First, let’s call things as they are. Leonardo DiCraprio did not do anything more than a passable job in this film and was the weakest link (goodbye). Kate Winslet was good and Billy Zane rarely misses the mark. Unless that mark is Leo’s head. If this had been real life, Zane would have shot Titanic Jack Dawson’s dumb little head off about an hour and a half into the film. Then the boat could hit the iceberg and sink to show off all the special effects writer/director James Cameron put together.

And how in the hell did this film make 1.8 BILLION dollars worldwide? The closest film to "Craptanic" is still about 700 MILLION dollars away. Think of all the starving children that could have been fed. Think of the homeless people that could have been sheltered. Think of my early retirement!!!

In short, this film apparently struck a nerve with the overly-weepy crowd of the world and they had too much money to burn that year. I salute you, Mr. Cameron for proving you can fool all of the people some of the time.

1. The Postman
2. Speed 2: Cruise Control
3. The Peacemaker
4. Steel
5. A Life Less Ordinary

1996

1. Joe’s Apartment
2. Mr. Wrong
3. Eddie
4. Michael
5. Barb Wire

1995

1. Waterworld
2. Showgirls
3. Dracula: Dead And Loving It
4. Pocahontas
5. To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar

1994

1. The Road To Wellville
2. Exit To Eden
3. The Flintstones
4. The Mask
5. Bad Girls

1993

1. Cop & ½
2. The Coneheads
3. Made In America
4. Three Of Hearts
5. Posse

1992

1. Captain America
2. Death Becomes Her
3. Toys
4. Far and Away
5. Prelude to a Kiss

1991

1. Nothing but Trouble
2. The Butcher’s Wife
3. Switch
4. Hudson Hawk
5. King Ralph

1990

1. Ghost Dad
2. The Bonfire of the Vanities
3. Look Who’s Talking Too
4. The Adventures of Ford Fairlane
5. Dick Tracy

The Most Horrible Films That Are Fun To Watch

2006-11-14T09:07:00.000-08:00

2006

1. Ultraviolet
2. The Marine
3. Bloodrayne
4. The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
5. Final Destination 3

2005

1. Stealth
2. XXX 2: State of the Union
3. Fantastic Four
4. Doom
5. The Pacifier

2004

1. Torque
2. Resident Evil: Apocalypse
3. Van Helsing
4. Blade: Trinity
5. The Punisher

2003

1. Biker Boyz
2. Cradle 2 the Grave
3. The Core
4. Wrong Turn
5. The Medallion

2002

1. Extreme Ops
2. Femme Fatale
3. Jason X
4. Swimfan
5. Reign of Fire

2001

1. John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars
2. Kiss of the Dragon
3. Bones
4. Replicant
5. Antitrust

2000

1. Dungeons & Dragons
2. The Skulls
3. Final Destination
4. Bring It On
5. Battlefield Earth

1999

1. Deep Blue Sea
2. Wing Commander
3. Varsity Blues
4. Idle Hands
5. Bats

1998

1. The Faculty
2. Disturbing Behavior
3. Bride of Chucky
4. Wild Things
5. Armageddon

1997

1. Anaconda
2. Starship Troopers
3. Double Team
4. Batman & Robin
5. I Know What You Did Last Summer

1996

1. Twister
2. The Craft
3. The Quest
4. Adrenaline: Fear The Rush
5. Executive Decision

1995

1. Mortal Kombat
2. Judge Dredd
3. Hackers
4. Sudden Death
5. Congo

1994

1. Streetfighter
2. Leprechaun 2
3. Double Dragon
4. The Chase
5. Blue Chips

1993

1. Demolition Man
2. Hard Target
3. Warlock: The Armageddon
4. Leprechaun
5. Children Of The Corn II: The Final Sacrifice

1992

1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
2. Under Siege
3. Universal Soldier
4. Freejack
5. Mr. Baseball

1991

1990

1. Total Recall
2. Men at Work
3. House Party
4. Young Guns II
5. Days of Thunder
6. Blind Fury
7. Gremlins 2
8. Navy Seals
9. Spaced Invaders
10. Robot Jox

The Most Underrated/Overlooked Films of the Year

2006-11-13T09:13:00.000-08:00

2006

Miami Vice
Snakes on a Plane
Stranger Than Fiction
Before the Fall

2005

Hellbent
Happy Endings
An Unfinished Life

2004

Eurotrip

2003

My Life Without Me
Thirteen
Laurel Canyon
Better Luck Tomorrow

2002

Ali G Indahouse
The Good Girl

2001

Bubble Boy
Josie and the Pussycats

2000

The Way Of The Gun
The Cell
The Broken Hearts Club
Chopper

1999

Office Space
Galaxy Quest
SLC Punk!
The Castle
Go

1998

Can't Hardly Wait
Dead Man On Campus
What Dreams May Come

1997

Volcano
Switchback
Ronin
Fierce Creatures

1996

Freeway
The Hunchback of Notre Dame

1995

Mallrats
Empire Records
GoldenEye
The American President

1994

PCU
Dumb & Dumber
Jason’s Lyric

1993

Poetic Justice
Alive
Dazed and Confused

1992

Singles
Night on Earth

1991

The Addams Family
Dutch
Point Break
Career Opportunities
Soapdish
Little Man Tate

1990

Side Out
Kindergarten Cop
My Blue Heaven
Pump Up The Volume
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Home Alone

And the 2006 Oscar goes to ...

2006-03-05T12:40:00.000-08:00

Here are my predictions for tonight's Academy Awards, with an added "Should Win" for when what I think will happen isn't the one that SHOULD happen (get it?).

Also, there are other people who should win or have been nominated but were not and you can see how I ranked the year in my 2005 Anonymous Awards. Don't get me started on the politics and marketing behind awards shows.

I actually saw every film up for an award except Transamerica and Hustle and Flow (not counting all the short films, foreign films and a few of the full length documentaries). So I feel pretty justified in laying down my picks this year. We'll see how right I am.

In any case, I will add a wrap-up and tally my results after the show.

Best Picture: Brokeback Mountain
-- Should Win: Capote --
-- DID WIN: Crash --

Director: Ang Lee (Brokeback Mountain)
-- Should Win: Bennett Miller (Capote) --

Actor: Philip Seymour Hoffman (Capote)

Actress: Reese Witherspoon (Walk The Line)

Supporting Actor: George Clooney (Syriana)
-- Should Win: Matt Dillon (Crash) --

Supporting Actress: Rachel Weisz (The Constant Gardener)
-- Should Win: Amy Adams (Junebug) --

Adapted Screenplay: Brokeback Mountain
-- Should Win: Capote --

Original Screenplay: Crash
-- Should Win: NONE OF THEM but I suppose Good Night, and Good Luck if I'm forced to choose from these five films --

Foreign Film: Tsotsi (South Africa)

Documentary Feature: March of the Penguins
-- Should Win: Murderball --

Animated Feature Film: Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
-- Should Win: NONE OF THESE, but probably Howl's Moving Castle --

Cinematography: Brokeback Mountain
-- DID WIN: Memoirs of a Geisha --

Film Editing: Crash
-- Should Win: The Constant Gardener --

Art Direction: King Kong
-- Should & DID Win: Memoirs of a Geisha --

Costume: Memoirs of a Geisha

Visual Effects: King Kong

Makeup: The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe

Sound Editing: King Kong

Sound Mixing: Walk the Line
-- Should Win: War of the Worlds --
-- DID WIN: King Kong --

Original Score: Memoirs of a Geisha
-- Should Win: Munich --
-- DID WIN: Brokeback Mountain --

Original Song: "Travelin' Thru" (Transamerica)
-- Should Win: "In The Deep" (Crash) --
-- DID WIN: "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp (Hustle & Flow) --

Documentary Short Subject: God Sleeps in Rwanda
-- DID WIN: A Note of Triumph: The Golden Age of Norman Corwin --

Animated Short Film: The Moon and the Son: An Imagined Conversation

Live Action Short Film: Ausreisser (The Runaway)
-- DID WIN: Six Shooter --

THE WRAP-UP:

16 out of 24 correct : 66% correct

Well, once again the Academy has both failed to surprise and succeeded in disappointing me.

Obviously, the first thing I want to call shenanigans on is "Crash" winning "Best" Picture. What a load of shit. OOOOHHHH, racism! How edgy! Those who have talked to me during these awards season have seen how annoyed I've been about "Crash" receiving so much acclaim.

Short of the acting, which was superb, the bull that we're all connected in a magical, gimmicky chain of racism, stereotypes and reverse stereotypes drives me up the wall. This film, and its award as "Best" Picture, did nothing for me but make it feel like Hollywood is just trying to say to themselves: "We're not racist. We're showing everyone else how they are and that they should stop it."

I have a dignified retort: BULLSHIT.

Ok, that out of the way, let me get to the rest of the (C)Rap Oscars. And by that I mean, how in the hell did "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp" win Best Song?!? Again, it's like Hollywood is trying to be edgy and hip, already awarding Eminem with an award and now the 3-6 Mafia. Anyone else feel like it became the Source awards for just a few minutes there?

And what about them changing the lyrics to pass the censors? Isn't that restricting the art form? Shouldn't real artists refuse to do that? Anyone else get the feeling that "A whole lotta 'witches' jumpin' ship" wasn't the original line?

Moving on to another annoying aspect: Hollywood trying to encourage people back into theaters. How many times did they mention the only true way to watch a film was on a big screen, with strangers all around and sound enveloping your environment? I wonder if they would have touched upon that if they didn't have a down year at the box office. Hmmm?

Another thing that annoyed me was Zhang Ziyi going back to Ziyi Zhang. How many times is she going to switch her names around? I'm just gonna call her ZZ from now ... no wait, that's disrespectful to ZZ Top. How about Crouching Ziyi, Hidden Zhang? No, she'll just go with Crouching Zhang, Hidden Ziyi. Oh, hell, I don't know what to do. Screw it. Next subject.

Anyone else find it both comical and pathetic that during the Memoriam section, you can always rank how important people are by the applause they get post mortem?

Speaking of post mortem, it was interesting to see both Wilson brothers on stage. Since they have a snowball's chance in hell (during the middle of summer) of ever getting an Oscar, I guess it was good they get to know what it's like to be up on that stage. Still annoying.

Now on to the fun stuff. How good was Lauren Bacall? I thought she was going to drop dead right on stage! One of the funniest moments on stage, reminiscent of Elizabeth Taylor's Golden Globe moment. (GLAAADIATOR!)

Props to Jon Stewart. I think he made a great host. He's not the buffoon we've ended up with in previous years. (Yeah, I'm talking to you Whoopi!)

And I'd like to give a special shout out to the baby that popped out of Jennifer Garner recently. The accompanying body changes really help her fill a dress!

Well overall, as I mentioned, I was neither all that surprised and suitably annoyed at the whole proceeding. My prediction count was a little lower that I'm used to, usually I can get 17-18 right without too much difficulty. I chalk some of that to the bullshit of "Best" Picture, the bullshit of Best Song and I really think it was a bit of an upset for Brokeback to lose cinematography and for King Kong to lose Art Direction.

Had those gone as expected, I would have had a nice score of 20. But c'est la vie. The Academy Awards is half recognizing the best of the year and half marketing the mediocre above the rest. I'm glad that this medium allows me to put up what I think should have happened (My Anonymous Awards) and that I can post my grievances for all the world to see, in hopes they aren't fooled by the Oscar Hype.

Until next awards season, I'm Hungry Hank. Good Night, and Kiss My Ass.

My Favorite Screenwriters

2006-01-06T02:52:00.000-08:00

1. David Mamet
2. Susanne Bier
3. Cameron Crowe
4. Charlie Kaufman
5. Guillermo Arriaga

David Mamet’s work spans both stage and screen, sometimes bringing his stage work to the screen. And while he has had some misses along the way, you can always be sure that the dialogue will be witty, clever and intelligent. From my personal Mamet fave “Glengarry Glen Ross” to works people don’t realize are his like “The Edge” and “The Spanish Prisoner”, the actors are given all the necessary tools to create iconic, complex and memorable characters.

Susanne Bier knows how to throw a punch to your brain while ripping out your heart at the same time. American audiences may finally see some of her work in this year’s Chasing Montana but if this doesn’t live up to the hype I’m giving it, don’t blame her. She didn’t write it. But when you look at films she has written and directed, you get two of the most powerful films I’ve seen in the last decade – “Open Hearts” (Elsker dig for evigt) and “Brothers” (Brødre). If you have ANY interest in tour de force foreign cinema, put both films on your movie rental queues. They are nothing short of stunning.

Cameron Crowe has been delivering generation defining screenplays for thirty years, from “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” to “Say Anything” to “Singles” to “Almost Famous”. While some of his more recent work is less than impressive, you can be sure that his films will be full of people you can relate to and the events that unfold seem to be like memories of your own past. And Peter Gabriel should be giving Crowe royalties for what Lloyd Dobler did to promote his song, “In Your Eyes”. If you need a way back off the couch with your wife, pop that bad boy in the stereo and prepare for the make-up sex.

Charlie Kaufman has been pumping out the most offbeat and intriguing scripts in the last five years. From my personal favorite “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” to “Adaptation” and “Being John Malkovich”, you know your mind is going to get a workout when you see one of his films. Mad props also for inventing a brother to make “Adaptation” work both on screen and off.

In the next few years, make sure to keep an eye on films with Guillermo Arriaga listed as the screenwriter. “Amores Perros”, “21 Grams” and “The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada” are some of the grittiest and most powerful films to have been released in the last few years. I have some reservations about how often he uses the broken time methodology in screenwriting but his characters are complex and usually flawed in such a raw way that you can’t help but get caught in their lives like watching a train wreck.

Other notable screenwriters:

Neil Jordan
Peter Hedges

Neil Jordan’s ability to craft deeply personal and yet also political films is astounding. I credit “The Crying Game” for turning me on to the world of independent films. It was crafted with such deft skill and precision that I truly distrust people who can’t see the beautiful sense of love and family that he creates in both “The Crying Game” and “Breakfast on Pluto”.

I’ll be honest in that Peter Hedges was not someone I knew by name before I started to figure out what screenwriters I deem exceptional. But in doing some research I found that he did “Pieces of April”, “About a Boy” and “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape”. Each film involved characters who were flawed and in search of a way to make themselves whole. It’s a universal theme but hard to do without being cheesy. Each of those films makes the audience identify themselves in the characters and that’s no small task.

My Favorite Actors

2006-01-05T12:52:00.000-08:00

1. Gary Oldman
2. Philip Seymour Hoffman
3. Eric Bana
4. Ralph Fiennes
5. Edward Norton

What can one say about Gary Oldman but “wow”?! More than any actor working today, he becomes his characters and blends in so well that you forget it’s Gary Oldman. And that’s the best compliment you can pay an actor. When you watch an entire movie and have to see the credits to find out who it was, they did a great job. Just consider a few of his roles and you’ll see how masterful he is at his craft; “The Professional”, “Dracula”, “Tiptoes” … Hell, even in the less than stellar “Air Force One”, his performance is powerful and far exceeds the trappings of the movie around him.

Philip Seymour Hoffman has been cornering the market of unrewarded greatness for the better part of the last decade. Usually relegated to supporting roles in which he often outshines the other actors, with roles in “Capote”, “Love Liza” and even the upcoming “Mission Impossible III”, Hoffman is finally getting some leading roles with teeth. Yes, “M:I:III” will be bad – but I think it’s safe to say that Hoffman will be the strongest tent pole trying to keep that circus standing.

Eric Bana may not be too well recognized but I have yet to see him put in anything less than a stellar performance. He started in comedy and has a great minor role in "The Castle" but now he's heading up the heaviest of roles. From his amazing turn in "Chopper" to "Black Hawk Down" to "Munich", you know you're getting top notch acting from Bana. Even his performances in the less than fantastic movies "Troy" and "The Hulk" were 'incredible' (Get it?).

Ralph Fiennes is one of the best actors at choosing only the best scripts and filmmakers to work with. He came into public perception with “Schindler’s List” and has followed that up with strong performances in “The English Patient”, “The Constant Gardener” and even the latest Harry Potter film. Sure, he was in “The Avengers” but I’d do the film version of the Teletubbies as Tinky Winky to work with Sean Connery. So he gets a pass on that one.

Edward Norton has many of the same chameleon-like abilities as Gary Oldman. With roles in “Fight Club”, “American History X” and “Primal Fear” he has proven himself to be nothing short of amazing.

Other notable actors:

Liam Neeson
Chris Cooper
David Strathairn
Matt Damon
Tom Hanks
Don Cheadle
Tim Roth
Brad Pitt
Mark Ruffalo
Paul Giamatti
William Fichtner
Ed Harris
Johnny Depp
Alec Baldwin
Robert Duvall

A lot of people on this bonus list. Going through each of them would take way too long so just note that even if these actors star or support a bad movie now and then, 98 percent of the time it won’t be their fault.

Foreign Actors:

Moritz Bleibtreu
Nikolaj Lie Kaas
Mads Mikkelsen
Sergio Castellitto
Thomas Kretschmann

I wanted to give a little mention to some of the great actors who rarely make any impact on American soil unless it’s in an art house theater. Each of them provide excellent performances in their films and if you like foreign cinema, checking out a film with any of these actors is a pretty safe bet.

People To Keep An Eye On

2006-01-05T11:39:00.000-08:00

I list them in no particular order but they all are the up and comers of the next film generation.

Emmy Rossum
Anne Hathaway
Chiwetel Ejiofor
Keisha Castle-Hughes
Dakota Fanning
Scarlett Johansson
Zooey Deschanel
Rosario Dawson
Amy Adams
Alessandro Nivola
Michelle Monaghan

My Favorite Directors

2006-01-05T00:42:00.000-08:00

1. Steven Spielberg
2. Gus Van Sant
3. Clint Eastwood
4. Lasse Hallström
5. Neil Jordan

I know, I know. How predictable is giving the crown to the great Spielbergo? As much as it feels like I’m selling out, he is responsible for so many of the iconic films in the last 30 years; “Jaws”, “E.T.”, “Close Encounters”, “Raiders of the Lost Ark”, “The Color Purple”, “Schindler’s List”, “Saving Private Ryan”, etc. etc. He knows how to put a film together, though I will freely admit that in the last 10 years, he’s had a problem finding the right time to end a film. Still, when you hear his name, the first thought should be quality … until he makes more “War of the Worlds” remakes.

Gus Van Sant is responsible for my favorite film of all time, “Good Will Hunting”. He is always on the edge of where other mainstream filmmakers even dream of going. From “Drugstore Cowboy” and “My Own Private Idaho” to “Gerry and “Elephant”, Van Sant has kept his fingers on the undercurrent pulse of society and refrained from selling out his indie sensibilities.

Clint Eastwood has put out amazing film after amazing film. He has been directing for over 30 years, starting back in his Western hey day with the likes of "High Plains Drifter" and "The Outlaw Josey Wales". More recently he has put out two of the better films in this era, “Unforgiven” and “Million Dollar Baby”. Look for his upcoming “Flags of Our Fathers” to be nothing short of amazing.

Lasse Hallstrom doesn’t make bad films. From “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” to “The Cider House Rules” to “An Unfinished Life”, his films convey heart and drama with conviction and expertise. While some may not like his lighter fare, like “Chocolat” and “Casanova”, I spit in the face of anyone who says they were poorly made.

Neil Jordan has been crafting deeply personal and dark stories for some time now. “The Crying Game”, “The Butcher Boy” and “Breakfast on Pluto” are not light material. It takes a bit of a stern countenance to face them but the emotion and depth of the stories are intense and works of finely crafted art.

Other notable directors:

Doug Liman
Mike Nichols
Susanne Bier
Luc Besson

Doug Liman is making a name for himself with such films as “Go”, “Swingers” and “The Bourne Identity”. Keep an eye on him. And forgive him for “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”, even I would sell out to watch Brangelina look pretty.

Mike Nichols has a career than spans from “The Graduate” to “Closer”. Many of the finest actors put him at the top of their list for director of choice, which speaks volumes.

Susanne Bier crafts some of the finest in foreign cinema under the radar of America’s mainstream. “Open Hearts” and “Brothers” are must sees for any fan of foreign and independent cinema.

And Luc Besson may be one of the most outlandish filmmakers going, creating action films full of unbelievable and sometimes ridiculous feats of agility, but his stories are some of the most elaborate and touching in film. Whether it’s “La Femme Nikita”, “Leon: The Professional” or “The Fifth Element”, there’s both a sense of assured filmmaking and wonder mixed in with the whimsical elements.

My Favorite Actresses

2006-01-04T11:33:00.000-08:00

1. Naomi Watts
2. Holly Hunter
3. Frances McDormand
4. Patricia Clarkson
5. Marcia Gay Harden

Other notable actresses:
Laura Linney
Sarah Polley
Samantha Morton
Charlize Theron
Rachel Weisz
Kate Winslet
Natalie Portman

Foreign Actresses:
Franka Potente
Audrey Tautou
Martina Gedeck
Sonja Richter
Li Gong

My Favorite 80's Films

2006-01-04T01:04:00.000-08:00

One thing to keep in mind that these are my favorites as far as re-watching them over and over again go. Some of the films on the Runner Up list are much better films from a quality standpoint, but they don't hold the same place in my heart.

Also, as you should quickly notice, this list is about films released in the 1980's. Some of them don't necessarily reflect the glorious decade of day-glo tank tops and a black Michael Jackson. But they do reflect the cheesy portion of my dark and rotten soul.

1. Rad
2. The Goonies
3. Real Genius
4. Wargames
5. The Wizard
6. Red Dawn
7. Megaforce
8. Say Anything
9. The Princess Bride
10. The Breakfast Club

Runners up:

Sixteen Candles
Better Off Dead
Cloak & Dagger
The Ice Pirates
Summer School
BMX Bandits
Flight of the Navigator
Raiders of the Lost Ark
UHF

My Favorite Comedies

2006-01-04T00:50:00.000-08:00

1. Ghostbusters
2. Caddyshack
3. Airplane!
4. Spaceballs
5. Dumb & Dumber
6. Major League
7. BASEketball
8. ¡Three Amigos!
9. Office Space
10. Super Troopers

I didn’t include too many recent films because I don’t know if they have the staying power most of the films on this list have. I loved “The 40 Year Old Virgin” and “Anchorman” but I don’t know if they will hold up over time. I do know that each one of the films that made the list can consistently elicit laughter from my lazy gut, many years after their release.

Anyone who hasn’t seen the first three films on the list should be deported. They are the universal holy trinity of comedic cinema.

Bill Murray is a comic god. His transition to dramatic actor with a comic edge in such films as “Lost in Translation” and “Broken Flowers” is further proof he can do whatever he wants. Hell, he made parts of “Quick Change” bearable.

For most reliable comedic sidekick, I’d like to nominate Rick Moranis. Inside characters like Louis Tully and Dark Helmet is a veritable minefield of explosive comedy.

My Favorite Films

2006-01-03T00:36:00.000-08:00

I thought about doing an actual “best films ever” list, but what’s the point anymore? The same list of “Godfather I & II”, “Citizen Kane”, “On the Waterfront”, “Schindler’s List”, etc., etc. gets real boring real quick. Besides, all this info is supposed to help you see what makes me tick, right?

I also found it near impossible to actually rank the best films against each other. So some great films will not be seen below, like “Fight Club”, “Donnie Darko”, “Jaws”, and so on and so on.

But here are my favorites, I hope you find an unknown gem or revisit an old favorite of yours after seeing this list of my favorite (and well made) films:

1. Good Will Hunting
2. Garden State
3. Leaving Las Vegas
4. My Life Without Me
5. Junebug
6. All the Real Girls
7. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
8. Open Hearts (Elsker Dig For Evigt)
9. Laurel Canyon
10. Dr. Zhivago

This list is constantly changing. The first four are about the only solid locks. I included “Dr. Zhivago” as a nod to films made before 1977. I think it’s an amazing film and just about the only film older than I am that I hope all wannabe film buffs have seen.

And upon personal inspection, I find an obvious theme to the films above … what can I say, I like depressing cinema. While there are some “happy” endings to some of them, I like to think each of the films actually end in tragedy. At the end of “Good Will Hunting”, Damon’s character is only headed to reunite with Minnie Driver. We don’t know it worked out. Same with “Garden State”, they have a four day relationship … how many of those last? And “Junebug” and “Laurel Canyon” have ambiguous endings, in the sense that you don’t know the happiness will last.

So I guess you could infer that I’m a big downer. One of the two real mysteries of life … the other being how Celine Dion is so damn popular.

2005 Anonymous Awards

2006-01-02T09:59:00.000-08:00

As the Academy Awards are sure to disappoint me, I figured I’d use my non-existent power here at the Sobering Conclusion to say what I think. So here are my picks for the best performances of the year. I’ve only included categories that I thought really made an impression on me and listed first the winner and then the runners up. There is no particular order for the non-winners. If you felt I left something out or if you see the light and agree, feel free to post your thoughts.

BEST PICTURE: A History of Violence
Capote
Junebug
Mysterious Skin
Tsotsi

DIRECTOR: David Cronenberg (A History of Violence)
Peter Jackson (King Kong)
Bennett Miller (Capote)
Ang Lee (Brokeback Mountain)
Neil Jordan (Breakfast on Pluto)

ACTOR: Philip Seymour Hoffman (Capote)
Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Mysterious Skin)
Viggo Mortensen (A History of Violence)
Ralph Fiennes (The Constant Gardener)
Hugo Weaving (Little Fish)

ACTRESS: Reese Witherspoon (Walk the Line)
Cate Blanchett (Little Fish)
Naomi Watts (King Kong)
Maria Bello (A History of Violence)
Embeth Davitz (Junebug)

SUPPORTING ACTOR: Ken Watanabe (Memoirs of a Geisha)
Jeffrey Wright (Syriana)
Steve Coogan (Happy Endings)
Matt Dillon (Crash)
Liam Neeson (Breakfast on Pluto)

SUPPORTING ACTRESS: Amy Adams (Junebug)
Gong Li (Memoirs of a Geisha)
Tilda Swinton (The Chronicles of Narnia …)
Rachel Weisz (The Constant Gardener)
Melissa Leo (The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada)

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY: Angus MacLachlan (Junebug)
Jim Jarmusch (Broken Flowers)
Guillermo Arriaga (The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada)
George Clooney & Grant Heslov (Good Night and Good Luck)
Mark Spragg & Virginia Korus Spragg (An Unfinished Life)

ADAPTED SCREENPLAY: Dan Futterman (screenplay), Gerald Clark (novel) – (Capote)
Larry McMurtry & Diana Ossana (screenplay), Annie Proulx (short story) – (Brokeback Mountain)
Gregg Araki (screenplay), Scott Heim (novel) – (Mysterious Skin)
Josh Olson (screenplay), John Wagner & Vince Locke (graphic novel) – (A History of Violence)
Robin Swicord (screenplay), Arthur Golden (novel) – (Memoirs of a Geisha)

FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM: This is a copout category. If the film is good, the film is good. Hence "Tsotsi" made my top 5 of the year. No need to separate them because of sub-titles.

CINEMATOGRAPHY: Rodrigo Prieto (Brokeback Mountain)
Roger Deakins (Jarhead)
Oliver Stapleton (An Unfinished Life)
Janusz Kaminski (Munich)
Chris Menges (The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada)

SCORE: John Williams (Munich)
Gustavo Santaolalla (Brokeback Mountain)
Harry Gregson-Williams (The Chronicles of Narnia …)
John Williams (Memoirs of a Geisha)
Alexandre Desplat (Casanova)

FILM EDITING: Claire Simpson (The Constant Gardener)
Jamie Selkirk (King Kong)
Ronald Sanders (A History of Violence)
Walter Murch (Jarhead)
Christopher Tellefsen (Capote)

ART DIRECTION: Patrick M. Sullivan Jr. & Tomas Voth (Memoirs of a Geisha)
Jules Cook, Ian Gracie, Karen Murphy & Jeffrey Thorp (The Chronicles of Narnia …)
Susanna Codognato, Robert Guerra & Luca Tranchino (Casanova)
Jeanette Scott (Sin City)

COSTUME DESIGN: Colleen Atwood (Memoirs of a Geisha)
Jenny Beavan (Casanova)
Jacqueline Durran (Pride & Prejudice)

SOUND: King Kong
Jarhead
Star Wars: Episode III
The War of the Worlds

MAKEUP: Memoirs of a Geisha
The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

VISUAL EFFECTS: King Kong
Star Wars: Episode III
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
The Chronicles of Narnia …
The War of the Worlds

DOCUMENTARY: Murderball
Grizzly Man
The Aristocrats

ANIMATED FILM: Hoodwinked
No others worth mentioning.

SONG: “Can’t Take It In” by Imogen Heap – (The Chronicles of Narnia …)

BEST USE OF AN OSCAR WINNER:
Stealth

WORST USE OF MULTIPLE OSCAR WINNERS:
Aeon Flux

WORST USE OF A COUNTRY LEGEND:
The Dukes of Hazzard

MOST DESERVING OF MY PHONE NUMBER:
Anne Hathaway

MOST BRAINWASHED ACTRESS:
Katie Holmes

MOST DESERVING OF A PUNCH TO THE MOUTH:
Jonathan Rhys-Meyers (Match Point)

FILMMAKER MOST DESERVING DEPORTATION:
George Lucas

ACTRESS MOST IN NEED OF A CUPCAKE:
Lindsay Lohan

2005

2006-01-01T16:12:00.000-08:00

The Best Films of the Year:

1. A History of Violence
2. Capote
3. Junebug
4. Mysterious Skin
5. Tsotsi
6. Memoirs of a Geisha
7. The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada
8. Brokeback Mountain
9. Breakfast on Pluto
10. Munich

For a year in which box office sales were down and for the first eight months there were an overwhelming amount of bad films, I have to admit one thing. 2005 did have a number of really good films. When I sat down to rank the films, I had to think quite a bit about what films would make the list, what fell off, and where amongst the top ten they ranked.

The first three were slam dunk easy picks for me to make. “A History of Violence” is an amazing film, nearly flawless. I’m going to be sad when it doesn’t make much of a splash this awards season since it was released too early in the award cycle. “Capote” is another near perfect film, highlighting the best acting performance of the year in Philip Seymour Hoffman. “Junebug” is my overall favorite film of the year and is that soul searching kind of film that will stay with me for some time, like last year’s “My Life Without Me.”

I placed “Mysterious Skin” above the rest of the top ten because of its fearless look into child abuse and the consequences derived therein. Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s portrayal of a child abuse victim turned hustler was so powerful that it’s hard to put to words.

"Tsotsi" is an amazing and moving film about the choices made by the disenfranchised and poverty-ridden thugs in the outlying area of Johannesburg, South Africa. It treats all of its characters with respect and doesn't patronize them or the audience.

“Memoirs of a Geisha” was a surprisingly good adaptation of the book by a director I don’t care to name. “The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada” is a powerful film of redemption, marking the feature film directorial debut of Tommy Lee Jones. “Brokeback Mountain” was an excellent film but fell short in its pacing and ability to age its actors so I placed it far lower in the top ten than most national critics. I also don’t care what kind of controversy a film creates, I only care about the film itself.

“Breakfast on Pluto”, while perhaps a little close to being a “Crying Game” clone, is an excellent film about what it means to know who you are and where you want to be in life.

“Munich” is another Spielberg film, which sometimes means good and sometimes indifferent. This one is good, but felt entirely too long to get much higher on my list for the year.

The Worst Films of the Year:

1. Prime
2. In Her Shoes
3. The Matador
4. The Dukes of Hazzard
5. The Longest Yard

Seriously, someone please just make it stop. Between two dumb, dumb, DUMB remakes, Hollywood also found the time to squeeze out three uninspiring and offensive originals. You decide what films match up to those descriptions. It doesn’t matter and you should avoid them all with the same diligence as using a condom when you visit Thailand.

The Most Horrible Films That Are Fun To Watch:

1. Stealth
2. XXX 2: State of the Union
3. Fantastic Four
4. Doom
5. The Pacifier

Want to know why the box office was down? Well, don’t blame these five films – they only add to the general craptitude that is my well being. Before the industry started ramming Oscar vehicles into theatres, they were pummeling us with bad films and these helped keep me sane because they kept me laughing through the dark times. All of them also help keep the drinking games new and fresh.

The Most Underrated/Overlooked Films of the Year:

Hellbent
Happy Endings
An Unfinished Life

“Hellbent” is the first gay slasher film, so it makes sense I make a special note of it. Also, it’s not that bad for the genre it’s in. If you like bad slasher flicks, this is a good one.

“Happy Endings” was a surprise to me. I expected it to suck. Fans of independent cinema will appreciate this one.

“An Unfinished Life” is yet another Lasse Hallström film to make the grade. All this guy does is make good films. Even “Casanova” is worth the price is admission.

2004

2005-01-01T11:59:00.000-08:00

The Best Films of the Year:

1. Million Dollar Baby
2. Hotel Rwanda
3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
4. Ray
5. Closer
6. Garden State
7. Sideways
8. Rory O'Shea Was Here
9. The United States Of Leland
10. Shaun Of The Dead

This year was a tough one, with only the first 6 being instant inclusions into the top ten. And while I thought "Million Dollar Baby" was the best film, as far as putting all of the different elements together (acting, writing, directing, etc.), my favorite film of the year was "Garden State". As a guy in his late 20's, the film's message of trying to overcome a state of being numb really resonated with me. It also has one of the best soundtracks.

The Worst Films of the Year:

1. Super Babies: Baby Geniuses 2
2. I Heart Huckabees
3. Ocean's Twelve
4. Taxi
5. The Whole Ten Yards

The only film I think people would argue with me about being on this list is "I Heart Huckabees". I know people who love that movie. But me personally, I can't stand cleverer-than-thou existentialism being slowly dripped into my mouth. I can't begin to count the number of times I woke up during this film, since I was mostly asleep. Which is a shame because I think Naomi Watts is the best actress around at the moment (e.g. "21 Grams").

The Most Horrible Films That Are Fun To Watch:

1. Torque
2. Resident Evil: Apocalypse
3. Van Helsing
4. Blade: Trinity
5. The Punisher

If you want to do yourself a favor, go rent "Van Helsing". Don't make any noises during the film, don't let the groans and laughs escape ... until the credits roll. Letting all of that pent up laughter and frustration out at the end is possibly better than sex with my second wife.

The Most Underrated/Overlooked Film:

Eurotrip

I know it looks like a stupid teen comedy from the promos and trailers, but it's got some great jokes and delivers on the R rating. None of that sissy watered down PG-13 nonsense most comedies end up vomiting on us in an attempt to make an extra five bucks with the under 17 crowd.

2003

2004-01-01T00:14:00.000-08:00

The Best Films of the Year:

1. Open Hearts (Elsker Dig For Evigt)
2. Lost In Translation
3. 21 Grams
4. Whale Rider
5. City of God (Cidade de Deus)
6. Gerry
7. Mystic River
8. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
9. The Station Agent
10. All The Real Girls

This year was tough to narrow down. As noted in the Underrated section below, there were a couple other films that might have made this list if I made it tomorrow. It was that close. And while Naomi Watts should have won the Oscar for "21 Grams", "Open Hearts" takes the cake for devastating film about relationships. As part of the Dogme 95 movement, the all-natural methodology used to make the film creates a sense of reality few films can hope to reach. You feel like it was your life that was just ruined. Fantastic.

Also, I must say that "Gerry" is on that list not because its entertaining, per se. It's an "art" film, plain and simple. Gus Van Sant makes you feel like you were really lost in the desert for days, and with only about 40 lines of dialogue, you spend a lot of time watching the long, slow shots of Casey Affleck & Matt Damon walking. There is literally a 15 minute scene of them walking, where nothing happens, all you hear is the crunch of their footsteps. Art vs. Entertainment. Amazing from an artistic standpoint, just rough if you're looking for a good time.

I could write pages and pages about the films of this year. But I won't. Just check 'em out.

I do want to make a special mention of "All The Real Girls". If you want to finally see a film that lays down a realistic portrayal of what it's like to fall in love and the ups and downs involved, this film is the one. I admit it is on the slow side, in regards to pacing, but I can't seem to stop rewatching it. While my emotional health is clearly poor, I think there's something in the film that anyone who ever found that special someone can relate to ... not a bright and sunny film, this will either keep you with your sugarpie or keep you from wanting anyone to get close to you ever again. I think we all know which side of the fence I lie in that regard. :)

The Worst Films of the Year:

1. Gigli
2. Daredevil
3. Paycheck
4. Just Married
5. Phone Booth

Notice the top 3 films are ALL Ben Affleck movies. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. From one of my favorite movies of all time ("Good Will Hunting") to movies that should have gone direct-to-trash can. With "Just Married", Ashton Kutcher continues to vie with Paul Walker and Freddie Prinze Jr. for worst film lead and "Phone Booth" reminds us all that Joel Schumacher needs to take a long walk off a short pier for the mounds of crap he's delivered in the last ten years. I'll just mention Batman 3 & 4 as exhibit A, your honor.

The Most Horrible Films That Are Fun To Watch:

1. Biker Boyz
2. Cradle 2 the Grave
3. The Core
4. Wrong Turn
5. The Medallion

I love these films, they are SO bad. "Biker Boyz" is loaded with C level actors like Kadeem Hardison, Brendan Fehr and Kid Rock! What's not to like? Add a Star Wars-esque father -son relationship and you have all you need. "Cradle 2 the Grave" proves once again, that you should NEVER fight Jet Li in a ring of fire because you will lose! "The Core" and "Wrong Turn" provide differing levels of crapitude and "The Medallion" features Claire Forlani using a gun and some form of martial arts. Amazing.

The Most Underrated/Overlooked/Almost Made The Top Ten Films of the Year:

My Life Without Me
Thirteen
Laurel Canyon
Better Luck Tomorrow

All of these films were amazing. "My Life Without Me" still leaves me with that fresh heartbreak feeling at the end every time I watch it. Holly Hunter is extraordinary in "Thirteen", "Laurel Canyon" left an emotional imprint only a few films each year seem to be able to and "Better Luck Tomorrow" offers a new look at high school, unless you live in Southern California, then you probably know people just like them. Still a great film, well worth watching.

2002

2003-01-01T06:35:00.000-08:00

The Best Films of The Year:

1. The Pianist
2. Rabbit Proof Fence
3. Broken Wings (Knafayim Shvurot)
4. Nowhere in Africa
5. Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
6. About A Boy
7. One Hour Photo
8. Mostly Martha
9. Love Liza
10. Das Experiment

Some solid movies this year. It was tough to rank them. "Rabbit Proof Fence" was a more emotional story but I had to give the top spot to "The Pianist" because it really did absolutely everything the right way, from acting to score to production value. I edited this list as of 2005 to include "Broken Wings". It is a heart-wrenching tale of a single mother and her children in Israel that has stunning performances, beautiful cinematography and should not be missed. If you only see two movies this year, make it "Rabbit Proof Fence" and "Broken Wings".

"Das Experiment" is a tense thriller from Germany that not too many people saw since it was on the arthouse circuit, but if you took any psychology courses, this film is for you. "Love Liza" finally gives Philip Seymour Hoffman a starring role, and since I love self-destructive films, this resonated well with me. And "One Hour Photo" has some of the best cinematography and color design I've seen.

The Worst Films of the Year:

1. Far From Heaven
2. Gangs Of New York
3. Scooby Doo
4. The Truth About Charlie
5. Changing Lanes
6. The Adventures of Pluto Nash
7. Sim0ne
8. Slackers
9. Rollerball
10. Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever
11. Crossroads

Normally I'd only list the top 5 worst, but this year had a ton of crap. Think about the fact that "Crossroads" was only the 11th worst film. And I placed "Far From Heaven" and "Gangs Of New York" up at the top because they were such huge disappointments. Martin Scorsese keeps using Leonardo DiCraprio and putting out epic borefests, it's like after 1990's "Good Fellas", he was replaced with a less talented android. And I had to walk out of "Far From Heaven", it's about the most pretentious film I have ever seen. The idea of making a 50s melodrama, while injecting present-day morality, is so stupid I don't know where to begin. I don't want to talk about it anymore.

Sidenote: The number of films on this list you own should be the number of bullets lodged in your inferior brain.

The Most Horrible Films That Are Fun To Watch:

1. Extreme Ops
2. Femme Fatale
3. Jason X
4. Swimfan
5. Reign of Fire

All of these provide enjoyment on different levels. Whether it's
Matthew McConaughey leaping towards a dragon armed only with an axe or Jason slamming 2 people into a tree while they're wrapped in sleeping bags, there's something for everyone. And don't miss the amazing special effects of "Extreme Ops". I haven't seen blue screen that bad since the original "Superman". You'd think that in the past 20 years, everyone could find a way to afford decent effects. Thanks for scrimping, "Extreme Ops"!

The Most Underrated/Overlooked Films of the Year:

Ali G Indahouse
The Good Girl

If you don't like Ali G, then obviously this film is not for you. But if you do, don't miss this little nugget. Martin Freeman also provides some nice comic support. While everyone in the UK knows who he is, America has yet to fully realize his genius.

"The Good Girl" has the finest performance Jennifer Aniston will probably ever do, a wonderful tale of a broken marraige and what one woman does to go on with her life. Excellent supporting work by Zooey Deschanel, John C. Reilly, Tim Blake Nelson and Jake Gyllenhaal.

2001

2002-01-01T08:14:00.000-08:00

The Best Films of The Year:

1. Donnie Darko
2. Amelie
3. Memento
4. Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring
5. Black Hawk Down
6. Sexy Beast
7. Elling
8. Mulholland Drive
9. The Dish
10. Life As A House

"Donnie Darko" is one of the best American films in the past decade. It's original, it featured (at the time) up and coming actors like Jake Gyllenhaal, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Jena Malone , the soundtrack was great and it's the most subtle 80's movie I've ever seen. I like that it didn't try to capitalize on that fact.

Some films on the list that very few people saw were "Elling", Oscar nominated for best foreign language film, and "The Dish". Both have a great sense of heart to them and some nice humor. They are also both family friendly, which is weird because I don't necessarily look for that kind of thing and to place 2 such films in the top ten is unusual. P.S. Ben Kingsley is one "Sexy Beast".

The Worst Films of the Year:

1. Freddy Got Fingered
2. Tomcats
3. Town & Country
4. Pearl Harbor
5. Planet of the Apes

There were quite a few movies jockeying to take the number five spot but I gave it to Burton's remake because it had potential but failed miserably. The sad thing is that all the actors in the ape suits were really good while all the humans were dreadful. Obviously Tom Green's "Freddy Got Fingered" was at the top, he's one of the worst examples of "anyone can be famous" ever unleashed on the world. And the next time you see "Tomcats" on the shelves at the local video store, chuck it as far away as possible. It's so bad it probably causes cancer.

The Most Horrible Films That Are Fun To Watch:

1. John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars
2. Kiss of the Dragon
3. Bones
4. Replicant
5. Antitrust

Wow. All I can say is wow. In "Ghosts of Mars", Pam Grier hits on Natasha Henstridge of Species, and Ice Cube helps to defeat the evil that arises on the red planet. Seriously, gather some friends, tap a keg, and go to town on this one. It sucks and provides countless opportunities to make fun of it.

"Kiss of the Dragon" is another film where Jet Li goads some idiot into fighting him in a ring of fire. Note to bad guys, Jet Li is INVINCIBLE in a ring of fire!

"Bones" features Snoop Dogg as the supernatural bad guy. Nuff' said.

"Replicant" reminds the world that Jean Claude Van Damm is still alive (and kicking).

And in "Antitrust", Tim Robbins does a Bill Gates impression as Ryan Phillippe tries to convince the audience he knows how to use a computer. Claire Forlani and Rachael Leigh Cook help baffle your senses as the ridiculous plot unfolds/unravels.

The Most Underrated Films of the Year:

Bubble Boy
Josie and the Pussycats

That's right, I said it: "Bubble Boy". I fully acknowledge that the trailers made this look like the worst piece of garbage since Freddy Got Fingered but it's actually very funny. It boasts cameos by the likes of Verne Troyer, Geoffrey Arend, Zach Galifianakis and Danny Trejo. Jake Gyllenhaal plays his character with conviction and there's also a Fabio cameo that can't be missed. All I can say is I worship a new deity now.

"Josie and the Pussycats" also boasts some great cameos by Alan Cumming, Parker Posey, Donald Faison, Seth Green, Breckin Meyer, and Eugene Levy. It allows Tara Reid to be herself and I don't ever get tired of Rosario Dawson. The opening scene alone is worth a rental. A film for anyone (and that should be everyone) who thinks MTV lost its way as it gained popularity. Seriously, shouldn't "Music Television" play a music video now and then. Even MTV2 is starting to waver and include loads of "original" programming. Off topic, but it drives me nuts.

2000

2001-01-01T03:00:00.000-08:00

The Best Films Of The Year:

1. You Can Count On Me
2. Wonder Boys
3. Requiem For A Dream
4. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
5. Amores Perros
6. Traffic
7. Billy Elliot
8. Almost Famous
9. High Fidelity
10. Gladiator

I had a difficult time ranking these top ten. I probably could shuffle around the top six. In the end, I quasi-ranked films in relation to the impact I received from them. Laura Linney and Mark Ruffalo give amazing performances in "You Can Count On Me". It also features the best of the Culkin clan (Rory). "Wonder Boys" had great performances and was nicely put together by director Curtis Hanson. "Requiem For A Dream" was a hard-hitting look at drug addiction. "Crouching Tiger" was one of those cinematic experiences you hope for when you put together so much talent. I could go on and on, but the bottom line is that there were plenty of good films in 2000, from small independents to foreign films to big Hollywood productions. It was also nice to see such variety in this year's cinematic landscape. This was just before the remake craze hit Hollywood and the common denominator they look at was lowered even further.

The Worst Films Of The Year:

1. Scary Movie
2. The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle
3. The Flintstones - Viva Rock Vegas
4. Reindeer Games
5. Meet The Parents

Boy, were there some doozies this year. "Scary Movie" should have been titled Retarded Movie. It has some of the most unintelligent, crass and generally uninspired comedy I've ever seen. I love irreverent, un-PC comedy but this just pandered to the dumbest, broadest audience it could. That's right, I said it. If you liked this film, you are DUMB. Try watching "Caddyshack" or "Ghostbusters" and see what comedy should be. The other films on the list are also very, very bad. Ben Affleck scores another Worst Of The Year honor and I'd lump "Meet The Parents" into the same category as "Scary Movie", except at least in this film, they tried to make comedy from a somewhat original source. "Scary Movie" took other peoples' ideas and perverted them into crap.

The Most Horrible Films That Are Fun To Watch:

1. Dungeons & Dragons
2. The Skulls
3. Final Destination
4. Bring It On
5. Battlefield Earth

I bet you were expecting numbers one, two and five on the list above, but each of them can provide a great platform for some home MST3K action. I recommend creating your own drinking games and I'll give you some ideas. Every time Jeremy Irons goes over the top in "Dungeons and Dragons", drink. Every time Joshua Jackson and Paul Walker are on-screen together in "The Skulls", drink. And every time you see John Travolta or Forest Whitaker do anything in "Battlefield Earth", drink two. "Final Destination" wasn't necessarily that bad of a film, but it wasn't good either. It also scored many of the potentially up and coming young actor crowd. "Bring It On" is sort-of an anomaly. I love that film. It's not good. Don't get me wrong. But Kirsten Dunst isn't as annoying as usual, because it's probably close to her actual personality, and any film about high school cheerleading that takes itself that seriously gets my vote. Cheesy moment after cheesy moment. Guilty pleasure, I guess.

The Most Underrated Films Of The Year:

The Way Of The Gun
The Cell
The Broken Hearts Club
Chopper

I know what you're saying: How can any film with both Ryan Phillippe and Juliette Lewis be any good? But "The Way Of The Gun" is a good, gritty film about a kidnap plot gone to shit. It also features James Caan, Benicio Del Toro and Taye Diggs, who help balance out the expected initial misgivings about the aforementioned duo. As a bonus, it features Sarah Silverman in one of the best opening scenes I've ever witnessed. Let me put it this way, she's credited as "Raving Bitch".

As far as Jennifer Lopez is concerned, I'm not a huge fan. She was good in "Out of Sight" and she's fine in this. However, I put "The Cell" on this list for Vincent D'Onofrio and for the visuals. Some really great ideas and colors, this is a good film to test out that new plasma screen you have.

"The Broken Hearts Club" was a great film about some gay men trying to cope with a tragedy that befalls a friend of theirs. What I liked about this film was that it seemed like one of the first films dealing with homosexuality not as the subject, but as a part of the characters. While there are many scenes and discussions that are about the gay community, this isn't a film trying to convey an agenda or anything like that. This is just a good film about a group of friends who try to recapture their lives and friendships. It features a quality cast (Timothy Olyphant, Zach Braff, Dean Cain, Andrew Keegan, Nia Long, John Mahoney) who give nice performances. Gay or straight, go and find this film.

"Chopper" stars Eric Bana as Mark 'Chopper' Read, a notorious criminal in Australia. The movie is gritty and Read is probably certifiable but has a crazy sort of charm to him at the same time. This is Bana's best performance, among a host of good performances, and once your ear picks up on the Aussie slang, this is one of the can't miss movies of 2000.

1999

2000-01-01T09:30:00.000-08:00

The Best Films Of The Year:

1. The Cider House Rules
2. Fight Club
3. October Sky
4. The Insider
5. Boys Don’t Cry
6. The Red Violin
7. Anywhere But Here
8. Man On The Moon
9. Three Kings
10. Payback

This year’s films had quite a varied subject matter. It made ranking them a bit difficult. I think I would rank "Anywhere But Here" highest on the personal connection factor, but all things considered, "The Cider House Rules" put all the elements together the best. Outstanding performances all around, and while Tobey Maguire and Michael Caine get most of the credit, Delroy Lindo’s performance was one of the best supporting roles in recent memory. Every film on the list has different elements that made them stand out enough to make the list. You’re missing out if you haven’t seen all ten.

The Worst Films Of The Year:

1. Baby Geniuses
2. Inspector Gadget
3. The Bachelor
4. Wild Wild West
5. Eyes Wide Shut

Who are the ad wizards who came up with "Baby Geniuses"? Nevermind that they made a sequel a few years later, this piece of crap isn’t worth the film it was shown on. "Inspector Gadget" can be summed up in three words: stupid, stupid, stupid. "The Bachelor" stars Chris O'Donnell and Renée Zellweger, and it’s helped into the gutter by Mariah Carey. "Wild Wild West" is another remake gone horribly wrong. I put "Eyes Wide Shut here", not necessarily because it was the 5th worst film, "Deuce Bigalow : Male Gigolo" and "The Out of Towners" deserve it more, but because it didn’t do anything. I spent hours in a theatre waiting for something to happen, only to watch the credits roll.

The Most Horrible Films That Are Fun To Watch:

1. Deep Blue Sea
2. Wing Commander
3. Varsity Blues
4. Idle Hands
5. Bats

Alright, alright, alright! This year had some fantastically bad films that I can watch over and over again. "Deep Blue Sea" features my favorite Samuel L. Jackson monologue. "Wing Commander" is all sorts of stupid, "Bats" has Lou Diamond Phillips, "Varsity Blues" reminds us how good Dawson is at quarterback, and "Idle Hands" is Jessica Alba’s finest role. She plays a dumb, hot teenager. She really shouldn’t try to do any more. It might give her an aneurysm .

The Most Underrated Films Of The Year:

Office Space
Galaxy Quest
SLC Punk!
The Castle
Go

There were lots of underrated films this year. "Office Space" is comic genius. For anyone who’s ever worked in a place with cubicles, you know how true this film is.

"Galaxy Quest" is one of those comedies that just put all the right things together. A great supporting cast helped keep Tim Allen from botching it.

"SLC Punk!" got some underground notice, but not much light in the mainstream. It’s just one of those films that captures the frustration of being a teenager.

"The Castle" is a truly hilarious Australian film that also has a ton of heart. I challenge people not to like this film. If you win, then I know you are not worth my time.

Last, there is "Go". I almost placed it in the top ten of the year. Director Doug Liman and screenwriter John August crafted one of the few films to use the multi-story technique well. Good performances all around, especially from Sarah Polley and William Fichtner, both of whom I consider some of the best actors in the film industry today.

1998

1999-01-01T11:39:00.000-08:00

The Best Films Of The Year:

1. Saving Private Ryan
2. American History X
3. The Big Lebowski
4. Pleasantville
5. Out of Sight
6. The Truman Show
7. Dark City
8. Rounders
9. Fallen
10. BASEketball

After double-checking the list, rest assured, you did actually read that "BASEketball" made the top ten. How should I put this ... this year was weak. Now that's not to say I don't love "BASEketball". I can watch that film over and over again, it's retardedly funny. Most people saw Trey Parker and Matt Stone were in it and thought, 'Oh, the South Park guys want to act now.' While I love South Park, this film only starred Stone and Parker, it was made by the people who brought the world "Airplane", one of the best comedies of all time. That being said, I do rank "BASEketball" among my top 10 favorite comedies. It's rude, it's crass, it's funny. I put it in the top ten because I didn't see the point of finding some dull, dramatic movie that was just good enough to make the list. I already included "Rounders" and "Fallen", which while good movies, would probably not make the top 20 in many other years. So there you go.

"Saving Private Ryan" is amazing (though topped by the "Band of Brothers" mini-series a few years later). "American History X" is powerful and the "Big Lebowski" is one of the smartest comedies in the last decade. There were some good films this year, just not many great films.

The Worst Films Of The Year:

1. There's Something About Mary
2. The Last Days Of Disco
3. Snake Eyes
4. Sphere
5. Godzilla

If anyone is looking at 'Mary' heading my Worst Films list and thinking I have no sense of humor, I have two words for you: Go Away. It technically was not the worst movie of the year, but because everyone went nuts over it and found the 'hair gel' joke so gosh-darn funny, it is the movie-going public who drove my disdain for this movie over the top. Deal with it. This film isn't funny, the jokes have no intelligence behind them. A movie about lawnmower racing would have been much, much better.

"The Last Days Of Disco" should be called The Best Way To Fall Asleep. Nothing happens, it's boring, it's slow, it has no point. And it has Kate Beckinsale, who I would put on my Top 5 sexiest actresses list in a heartbeat. Even with her, I can't stand this movie.

"Snake Eyes" is an annoying thriller that tries to be too clever and falls flat on its face. "Sphere" is arguably Michael Crichton's best book (it's my favorite) but this movie doesn't cut the mustard. It lost all sense of suspense and intrigue in its translation from book to screen. And "Godzilla" was the first real miss from Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin, the team that has brought us many of the better summer blockbusters, from "Stargate" to "Independance Day". While their films may not garner any artistic/dramatic credibility, they give us what we want in the summer: explosions, aliens and a big Hollywood star. America.

The Most Horrible Films That Are Fun To Watch:

1. The Faculty
2. Disturbing Behavior
3. Bride of Chucky
4. Wild Things
5. Armageddon

Some good 'bad' films this year. Any true Jon Stewart fan knows "The Faculty" is good ol'fashioned fun. "Disturbing Behavior" brought Katie Holmes further towards the big screen from being the naive ingenue on "Dawson's Creek". She made better choices later on ("Wonder Boys)", but every actor has at least one horror film on their list. I included "Bride of Chucky" on the list solely for the fight between the dolls at the end of the film. When they do overhead shots, you can see that they have two midgets fighting. Awesome. "Wild Things" shouldn't need any explanation and "Armageddon" is cheesy Michael Bay at his near-finest. It's like watching a Levi's commercial where American oil derrick workers save the planet from a large approaching asteroid.

The Most Underrated Films Of The Year:

Can't Hardly Wait
Dead Man On Campus
What Dreams May Come

Every decade or so, a seminal film comes out about high school and/or college that captures the spirit of the times. Like "Animal House", "The Breakfast Club", "PCU" and others before them, "Can't Hardly Wait" and "Dead Man On Campus" do a pretty good job at representing the mid 1990's. "Can't Hardly Wait", especially, is something no one who was in high school in the early to mid 90's should miss. It hits home, sadly.

And I put "What Dreams May Come" on this list for two reasons; it's melancholy, and it's gorgeous. The filmmakers did a wonderful job of bringing art to life and this is a film that helps justify that large plasma screen you conned your wife into letting you buy.

1997

1998-01-01T08:18:00.000-08:00

The Best Films Of The Year:

1. Good Will Hunting
2. The Apostle
3. Ulee’s Gold
4. L.A. Confidential
5. The Game
6. Cop Land
7. As Good As It Gets
8. Contact
9. The Edge
10. Grosse Pointe Blank

"Good Will Hunting" is probably my favorite film of all time, I connected with the story and director Gus Van Sant put all the pieces together for this one. Matt Damon and Minnie Driver did an excellent job and this is probably Ben Affleck’s best performance. Everything in the film is top notch and it inspired me to write a screenplay of my own. Now if I could only get Gus to take my calls ...

"The Apostle" was a wonderful movie brought forth by Robert Duvall and if it wasn’t on the top ten, would have made the Underrated/Overlooked list. Just an excellent movie. "L.A. Confidential" was a great film, full of powerful actors like Kevin Spacey, James Cromwell and Guy Pearce, but Kim Basinger deserved little more than her salary for this one. That she took away the Best Supporting Actress Oscar is simply stupid. I’d rather give one to Jennifer Lopez for her work in "Anaconda".

**SPECIAL HONORARY AWARD**

The Most Overhyped, Overwatched, Overearning Movie Of All Time:

---------- "TITANIC" ----------

The Worst Films Of The Year:

1. The Postman
2. Speed 2: Cruise Control
3. The Peacemaker
4. Steel
5. A Life Less Ordinary

Some truly bad films this year. Since "Craptanic" was mentioned in its honorary category already, the next worst film of the year went to Kevin Costner's "The Postman". Apparently, the most important thing in the post-apocalyptic future is that the mail gets delivered. Dumb.

"Speed 2" should have stopped production once they had to replace Keanu Reeves. Seriously, when you have to replace Keanu, you’re asking for a beating. "The Peacemaker" was Dreamworks first film brought to the screen. Lucky for them, they’ve done some good movies since. Nicole Kidman helping to save the world from nuclear terrorists? We’re all doomed.

I’ll sum up "Steel"’s foibles by reminding everyone that it starred Shaquille O'Neal. After his biopic "Blue Chips" came out, he shouldn’t have been given any other work. And "A Life Less Ordinary" should have been titled A Movie So Boring. With Ewan McGregor, Holly Hunter, Delroy Lindo, Dan Hedaya, Stanley Tucci, Tony Shalhoub , Ian Holm and Timothy Olyphant, this film should not have been so bad. Even with Cameron Diaz .

The Most Horrible Films That Are Fun To Watch:

1. Anaconda
2. Starship Troopers
3. Double Team
4. Batman & Robin
5. I Know What You Did Last Summer

You mean there’s snakes out here this big! Oh, "Anaconda". How you’ve touched my soul. Ice Cube manages to land in many bad films that give me great joy. Pretty decent cast in this one. Maybe they were sent a different script and when they got on set, given the real ones once the contracts were signed. That might explain it. Or maybe they all needed to pay their SAG dues.

"Starship Troopers" is a million laughs and guffaws. Whether it’s Denise Richards flying a spacecraft or Neil Patrick Harris (a personal hero of mine) reading the minds of insects, this film really delivers entertainment. Good creature effects and a cheesy, cheesy script help keep this film near and dear.

"Double Team" features not only the great Jean-Claude Van Damme but Dennis Rodman too! I love America. And most important to this film is that it has possibly the most unbelievably amazing end-battle set-ups ever. EVER. Jean-Claude vs. a bare-chested Mickey Rourke in the middle of a coliseum that has been laid with mines. Oh, and for good measure, a Bengal tiger is roaming around too. And then to see how a Coke vending machine can literally save your life, this film really has it all. There’s also one of the most homo-erotic scenes ever put to film - not just mainstream cinema, this probably beats some of the pornography out there. Just look for the scene where Jean Claude is exercising using a bathtub. Whoa.

"Batman & Robin" features the Governator spouting some classic lines (“My name is Freeze, learn it well for it is the sound of your doom”) and more bad quips than I used all through college. This film sucks, but with enough alcohol and friends, can be a good time. "I Know What You Did Last Summer" is just a bad teen horror film with plenty of opportunities for you to laugh at.

The Most Underrated/Overlooked Films Of The Year:

Volcano
Switchback
Ronin
Fierce Creatures

"Volcano" may look like just another dumb disaster dud, but it's actually pretty smart. With both Tommy Lee Jones and Don Cheadle in it, it’s worth the Netflix selection. "Switchback" was an underrated thriller that got lost in the shuffle this year. Bad marketing didn’t help it either. But if you like thrillers, check it out. "Ronin" has one of the best car chases in movie history and as an espionage film fan, this hit the right groove with me.

"Fierce Creatures" is the quasi-sequel to "A Fish Called Wanda", reuniting the cast in entirely different roles and situations. While it didn’t get the credibility that Wanda has, I actually prefer this film. I think it has better pacing. And really, what’s funnier than Kevin Kline riding an animatronic panda?

1996

1997-01-01T14:08:00.000-08:00

The Best Films Of The Year:

1. Sling Blade
2. The English Patient
3. Swingers
4. Fargo
5. Lone Star
6. That Thing You Do!
7. Ghost In The Shell
8. The Ghost And The Darkness
9. A Time To Kill
10. Scream

Weird, weird year. I spent a long time figuring out the last couple of films to include, leaving "Primal Fear", "The Rock" and "Jerry Maguire" all on the bench. "Scream" was only able to beat them out because of what a sensation Wes Craven was able to create. The sad thing is, as well constructed "Scream" was, its sequels were awful and the proliferation of teen horror flicks that kicked off as a result almost merit Craven’s deportation.

In any case, the top spot this year went to "Sling Blade". Writer/Director/Star Billy Bob Thornton hit it out of the park with this film. He truly disappeared in the character and Lucas Black was a great choice as the little boy who befriends Thornton’s character. An outstanding effort all around, I’m glad this earned some recognition. "The English Patient" is one of those grand, sweeping love stories that was done right. Ralph Fiennes always seems to do a great job and director Anthony Minghella weaved the story just right.

"Swingers" is one of my favorite movies of all time, though I’ve found the film resonates much better with men than women. Go ahead and quiz your friends. If more than 20% of the women you know like the film, start checking under their skirts. Also, I’m practically pissed that Jon Favreau was able to write this in only two weeks. Still, it really hit the mark about what it is to be struggling in southern California to find your identity. A special note of appreciation goes to the scene where you see the characters all driving separate cars and using the Club. That's what southern California is about!

"Ghost in the Shell" is my personal choice as best anime film ever. The artwork is gorgeous and the story is compelling. It can be a bit slow at times, but if you consider yourself an anime fan, or would like to be, check this one out. Oddly enough, another film with ‘Ghost’ in the title made the list this year. Michael Douglas and Val Kilmer did a wonderful job in this film, which has such a compelling, true story that the film takes on a life of its own.

As for most surprising film on the list, in my opinion, that goes to Tom Hanks’ "That Thing You Do!" One of the worst titles in recent memory, but one of my favorite films. I can watch it over and over and over again. Hanks and his cast did a great job of creating memorable characters and keeping the story moving forward. This film felt a little like a throwback to feel-good cinema, which has begun to disappear in American film, since gloom and doom seems to sell better.

The Worst Films Of The Year:

1. Joe’s Apartment
2. Mr. Wrong
3. Eddie
4. Michael
5. Barb Wire

These films are awful. Don’t attempt to see them, don’t even look at their covers at the video store. You’ll only go blind. I don’t even want to talk about them.

The Most Horrible Films That Are Fun To Watch:

1. Twister
2. The Craft
3. The Quest
4. Adrenaline: Fear The Rush
5. Executive Decision

Some fun films to watch while under the influence of a controlled substance this year. "Twister" possesses one of my favorite unbelievable escapes from death. How in the hell do you let one of the largest tornadoes pass THROUGH you, tossing tractor-sized debris around like confetti and not even stub a toe? Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton are the luckiest people on the face of the planet. If you see them betting on a horse, match their bet! Another thing going for Twister is that it’s directed by Jan de Bont. Just say his name like it’s one word and accentuate the last syllable. "jandeBONT". ... Isn’t that fun?

"The Craft" was just gooey nonsense that somehow kept me entertained. Of course, Rachel True might have had something to do with it, she has one of the sexiest voices … … … Oh, sorry, lost track.

"The Quest" has Jean-Claude Van Damme teaming up with 007 himself, Roger Moore. Fabulous. Adrenaline featured the Highlander, Christopher Lambert, and Natasha Henstridge From Species tracking down a man inflicted with a deadly virus in the future. Need I say more? And "Executive Decision" made the list because within the first 15 minutes, Steven Seagal gets killed. How great is that!

The Most Underrated Films Of The Year:

Freeway
The Hunchback of Notre Dame

"Freeway" was a dark, contemporary tale of Little Red Riding Hood and great, great fun for any movie buff. It featured a litany of established actors like Reese Witherspoon, Kiefer Sutherland, Dan Hedaya, Amanda Plummer and Brittany Murphy, with a cameo by Brooke Shields. It’s a little out there, but it’s one of those little nuggets that only come around once in a while. Though if you have trouble with dark comedies, you might want to avoid this one. It may be too much for you.

"The Hunchback of Notre Dame" is, perhaps, my favorite Disney film. They went a little darker in tone with this one, which I appreciate. And while they Disneyfied the actual tale, and made the ending a happy one, it’s still a great story with great songs and visuals. If you missed this one, and like animation at all, go out and rent it.

1995

1996-01-01T12:59:00.000-08:00

The Best Films Of The Year:

1. Leaving Las Vegas
2. Dead Man Walking
3. Braveheart
4. The Usual Suspects
5. Seven
6. Heat
7. The Basketball Diaries
8. Twelve Monkeys
9. Babe
10. Toy Story

Interesting dichotomy of films this year made the top ten. At the top, you have heavy dramas and at the bottom, family films. Notice also there are two movies with numbers in their titles, which made me want to rank them according to their titles, but I stuck to my guns.

"Leaving Las Vegas" is one of my favorite films of all time. Nicolas Cage and Elisabeth Shue were amazing in this film. I find the story and sheer desperation in the characters almost too compelling to put to words. I also found it very interesting that the book, written by John O'Brien, centered on Shue’s character while the movie was centered on Cage’s. It makes reading the book and then re-watching the film a worthwhile experience. So go do it.

As I progress down the top ten, I’m impressed with the films that were released this year. From "Dead Man Walking" to "The Basketball Diaries", all very strong films that will stand up for many years to come.

I put "Twelve Monkeys" on the list for two reasons mostly, Terry Gilliam and Brad Pitt. Gilliam is fantastic at creating different worlds for the audience to explore and this is one of Pitt’s finest performances. I really don’t like giving too much credit to sexy men that make all the women swoon (since I’m not one of them), but I have to give it up to Pitt. He’s the man.

The Worst Films Of The Year:

1. Waterworld
2. Showgirls
3. Dracula: Dead And Loving It
4. Pocahontas
5. To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar

Equally as impressive as the number of great films this year was the depths that the worst films sank to. I paid one dollar to watch "Waterworld" at my college theatre and I want it back with interest! The movie is a huge rip-off of Mad Max, only instead of all land, no water, there’s all water and no land. I’ve heard good things about Kevin Costner as a person, but I question his choices sometimes. He allegedly fought to keep a full frontal shot of himself in the shower in "For Love Of The Game" and he’s in "Waterworld" peeing through a filter so he can drink it. Some interesting points for all those psychology majors to think about.

"Showgirls" is atrocious. I personally think the very lovely Gina Gershon summed it up best in an episode of Dinner for Five by saying that her experience walking onto the set was like “going to a Miles Davis concert only to find Britney Spears.” I might have botched the quote, but the good musician was someone comparable to Miles. You get the point.

"Dracula: Dead and Loving It" couldn’t even be enjoyed if you were, in fact, dead. "Pocahontas" is perhaps the worst Disney film of all time. It’s so boring (how boring is it?) that both myself and the person I was with fell asleep during the film. I fell asleep in the middle of the climactic battle scene. Now that’s sad. Rounding out the worst five is "To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything Julie Newmar" But No Thanks For This Stupid Title. Just because there’s a script doesn’t mean it needs to be made into a movie. Case in point.

The Most Horrible Films That Are Fun To Watch:

1. Mortal Kombat
2. Judge Dredd
3. Hackers
4. Sudden Death
5. Congo

I almost placed "Species" on this list but it couldn’t compete with the watchability factors of these five films. "Mortal Kombat" is so cheesy and hilarious it should have been up for best comedic film at the Golden Globes. "Judge Dredd" reminds us that Sylvester Stallone is the law. "Hackers" is a computer nerd’s wet dream. The idea that someone like Angelina Jolie would be interested in any hardware that wasn’t attached to Brad Pitt is truly genius. "Sudden Death" is another personal guilty pleasure, thanks to the talents of Jean-Claude Van Damme. And "Congo" is one laugh after another. The cast is too talented to have created such a dud, I just wish I knew who to blame. Now go have some more sesame cake.

The Most Underrated/Overlooked Films Of The Year:

Mallrats
Empire Records
GoldenEye
The American President

While it bombed in theatres, "Mallrats" made its mark on college kids across America once it hit video store shelves. The jokes are crass and simple, but they work. Now every time I walk through a mall, I have to stop and say, “That kid is BACK on the escalator! I hope his pants get caught and a bloodbath ensues.”

"Empire Records" is a well-crafted ensemble teen flick with loads of heart. It’s just fun. The soundtrack is very definitive of 1995 and if you were between the ages of 15 and 29 in 1995, you’ll like this film. Or you’re an idiot.

"GoldenEye" was Pierce Brosnan’s first Bond film and is still the best one he did. It did everything right and it’s a shame to see them continually spiral down into the gutter since then. All James Bond fans know this one, and if you’re looking to get into Bond films, this isn’t a bad place to start. Though Sean Connery is still the best Bond ever.

"The American President" is one of those sappy, predictable romantic comedies that once again proves all women love power. Was that too cynical? All kidding aside, this is one of the best date movies ever and is practically guaranteed to get you a little somethin’ somethin’ that night. If you don’t know what I mean, get out of the basement and tell your mother you’re moving out tomorrow. You’ll soon find out.

1994

1995-01-01T11:18:00.000-08:00

The Best Films Of The Year:

1. Lèon (The Professional)
2. Forrest Gump
3. The Shawshank Redemption
4. Pulp Fiction
5. Immortal Beloved
6. Death and the Maiden
7. The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
8. Quiz Show
9. Clerks
10. The Lion King

Putting aside my Natalie Portman fixation, "Lèon" is an amazing film that also featured Jean Reno and Gary Oldman. Portman’s screen presence, even at such a young age, is unbelievable. One of those rare instances where a young actor/actress seems to be channeling an old soul. Reno played his role wonderfully, I can only think of one other person who could have pulled off an emotionally stunted hitman and he was playing the villain in this film. Gary Oldman is easily one of the greatest actors working in films today. He consistently disappears into his character and does not give audiences the same character over and over again, like most ‘movie stars’ do.

Keep in mind there is a difference. Oldman is an actor. Tom Cruise is a movie star. Both have their place, but do completely different things onscreen. Also take note that Gary Oldman plays a pivotal role in two of the top ten films this year. His performance in "Immortal Beloved" was even more fantastic than his role in "Lèon", but the film as a whole didn’t really resonate with me as much.

Wow, I’ve already written a dissertation and I’m only through with two films. Ok, "Forrest Gump". Tom Hanks falls a little bit in-between the two categories of actors I just mentioned. He does bring forth different character traits in his movies, but you still see him at the core. There are few Hanks’ films that I found less than at least entertaining. And with "Forrest Gump", director Robert Zemeckis crafted a beautiful, sprawling film that encompasses both a decades-long timeline of American history and a love story sure to break any romantic’s heart.

"The Shawshank Redemption" is a phenomenal film, packed with amazing actors and performances. Many other years, this may have grabbed the top spot. "Pulp Fiction" isn’t as hard hitting as "Reservoir Dogs", but has some of the most memorable moments in recent film history, from Samuel L. Jackson’s bible quotations to Eric Stoltz plunging a needle into Uma Thurman’s heart.

"Death and the Maiden" was a play brought to the big screen and it shows. However, it’s an amazing script that was well executed. If you have any inkling towards good stage work, this film will satisfy you. "Priscilla" captured most of its attention for its outward appearance and, at the time, controversial gay themes. But once you lost the spectre of notoriety, it’s just a wonderful film with loads of heart and good performances by Terence Stamp, Hugo Weaving and Guy Pearce.

The Worst Films Of The Year:

1. The Road To Wellville
2. Exit To Eden
3. The Flintstones
4. The Mask
5. Bad Girls

I can't count the number of times I could have retired on the money spent on worthless pieces of crap. I think there should be people hired to work on films who take a look at the dailies, get a feel for how the film will turn out, and then stop production once it’s clear the film will be a dud. Then the remaining production money should go to me for suggesting this idea.

The Most Horrible Films That Are Fun To Watch:

1. Streetfighter
2. Leprechaun 2
3. Double Dragon
4. The Chase
5. Blue Chips

Thank you, thank you, thank you. This year brought me three of my favorite “horrible” films. Not only did someone have the gall to do a live-action "Streetfighter" movie, they cast Jean-Claude Van Damme in the lead. His speech to rally the troops at the end is one of the greatest audition pieces ever written. "Leprechaun 2" is my favorite of the series. Not only does Warwick Davis use a go-kart of death, he also tricks a boy into kissing a lawnmower. Fantastic.

"Double Dragon" is another horrible video game to movie transition. When will Hollywood learn? Though, truth be told, I hope they don’t because I would miss out on gems like this. "The Chase" is a bad, bad film. But it does have Charlie Sheen and Henry Rollins. And the scene where Anthony Kiedis and Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers try to stop Sheen’s wild ride is worth the rental alone. "Blue Chips" is a real-time documentary of Shaquille O'Neal’s college career. Ok, it’s not really, but that’s what I try to imagine as the film unfolds.

The Most Underrated Films Of The Year:

PCU
Dumb & Dumber
Jason’s Lyric

While "Animal House" may be the original college comedy, "PCU" is my personal favorite. Jeremy Piven plays his sarcastic self to perfection. Jon Favreau plays an amazing stoner and David Spade can play a comedic neo-Nazi like no other. If you’ve been to college, see this film. Even if you’re thinking of going to college, see this film.

"Dumb & Dumber" made a ton of money and just about everyone has seen it. But do yourself a favor and watch this film a few more times. Once you unlock the subtleties in both Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels’ performances, you’ll find this movie reaches a whole new level. Of course, if you did not find this film amusing, you should just click the buttons on your web browser that take you back to the Pauly Shore homepage.

"Jason’s Lyric" was a small film that few people saw but it packs a punch. Allen Payne and Jada Pinkett Smith provide the performances of their careers. The themes in the film are universal and while I had almost forgotten about this film until I reviewed the movie releases of 1994, once I saw the title I immediately remembered the intense emotions I felt after watching this film.

1993

1994-01-01T20:02:00.000-08:00

The Best Films Of The Year:

1. Schindler’s List
2. Philadelphia
3. The Piano
4. Menace II Society
5. Bopha!
6. A Bronx Tale
7. True Romance
8. The Fugitive
9. Falling Down
10. Jurassic Park

What do you get when you combine the talents of Steven Spielberg, John Williams, Liam Neeson, Ben Kingsley and Ralph Fiennes? You get two to one odds on creating the best film of the year. And so, "Schindler’s List" tops the list for 1993. Masterfully put together by Spielberg, the use of black and white helped immerse the audience in a time we all wished never happened. Performances from the principle actors were excellent, as well as everyone else in the film. While the tearful goodbye from Oskar Schindler at the end was a bit gooey, this was a film that no one should miss, both for its historic and artistic importance.

"Philadelphia" was another amazing film and really only loses out to "Schindler’s List" because it’s hard to compete with the Holocaust. Tom Hanks and Denzel Washington provide near-best performances, creating an incredible connection with each other and the audience. When Hanks’ character is listening to Opera, it is still one of the most powerful scenes I’ve ever watched. Not to be missed.

"The Piano" showed off some wonderful acting by Harvey Keitel, Sam Neill and Anna Paquin. But none of them held a candle to Holly Hunter. Her performance was gut-wrenching. Without ever speaking a word and using little more than a few grunts, she said volumes. Actresses should be forced to watch this as part of their training. And Michael Nyman’s score was phenomenal, full of haunting melodies that I can still conjure up with but a thought.

Moving on in this year’s top films, we reach "Menace II Society". While there is a wealth of films about growing up in the hood in the early ‘90s, this is the quintessential one. Larenz Tate showed that he was an actor not to be trifled with. It’s a shame his career didn’t take off like Cuba Gooding Jr.’s after "Boyz in the Hood". While I like Cuba, Tate deserved the break more.

"Bopha!" Is Morgan Freeman’s only directorial turn, but after watching it, I wish he would do more. A fantastic story, well acted and directed. When asked to choose a film that portrays South Africa’s apartheid horrors, I choose "Cry Freedom" first, but this is a close second.

"A Bronx Tale" and "True Romance" were gritty films with powerhouse performances in each. If you don’t mind a little violence and language, check these films out.

The last three are a bit of a departure from the rest of the top ten. "The Fugitive" got a little too much praise in my opinion, but it was excellent. I only say it was a bit over-hyped because it was just a thriller. I didn’t really learn anything or connect with anyone like I did with the first 5 films of the year.

"Falling Down" is another wonderful performance by Michael Douglas and despite the fact that this film was made by Joel 'I ruined Batman' Schumacher, its portrayal of a man pushed too far really captured the frustration that was building in society at that time.

Cracking the top ten was another Spielberg film, "Jurassic Park". While there were some other films that I thought made more of a dramatic impact, this film was a technological triumph that still stands up a dozen years later. Sam Neill helped to provide a touchstone for the film to center itself on and "Jurassic Park" was probably my favorite ride of a film this year.

The Worst Films Of The Year:

1. Cop & ½
2. The Coneheads
3. Made In America
4. Three Of Hearts
5. Posse

Good God almighty! Who came up with "Cop & ½"? Have they been properly disposed of? More money for my retirement fund down the tubes.

"The Coneheads" was a decent sketch on Saturday Night Live, but another example of a bit that could not survive being expanded to 90 minutes. Is it so hard to write a script, read it out loud, and then decide to go forward with things?

"Made in America" feels like it was made for idiots. I feel dumber for having seen it.

"Three of Hearts" was just trying to capitalize on an ever-expanding sexual identity crisis in America, as frank sexual dialogues became more and more acceptable in the mainstream. That doesn’t mean this film should have been made.

And "Posse", well ... I almost feel bad putting it on this list. It almost made the Horribly Fun list, mostly due to Mario Van Peebles’ superb hairstyle. But the film sucked and it ended up here. If you’re looking for a good western, make sure to choose something with Clint Eastwood or John Wayne in it. Your chances are much, much better.

The Most Horrible Films That Are Fun To Watch:

1. Demolition Man
2. Hard Target
3. Warlock: The Armageddon
4. Leprechaun
5. Children Of The Corn II: The Final Sacrifice

This was the toughest Horribly Fun list to put together yet, as I continue to work my way back to 1977. There are another half dozen films that just missed this list. But in the end, "Demolition Man" takes the top spot. It’s cheesy and formulaic, but it’s fun! Don't miss out on Wesley Snipes’ tremendous turn as a villain, another Denis Leary rant, or virtual sex between Sandra Bullock and Sylvester Stallone. Also, start investing in Taco Bell, as this film was prophetic - correctly predicting Arnold Schwarzenegger’s rise to Governor of California. Only time will tell if it all comes true and Commando himself becomes the Commander-in-Chief ... and if Taco Bell will be the last survivor of the fast food wars.

"Hard Target" combines the talents of John Woo, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Wilford Brimley. And in this one, Van Damme is Cajun! Nuff said.

"Warlock II" provides the world with one of the greatest dialogue sequences in history (I hope this is right, but the gist is there):

Warlock: “Give me the stone!”
Other guy: “You’ll never get the stone!”
Warlock: “Give me the stone!”
Other guy: “You’ll never get the stone!”

Wow.

Ok, onto "Leprechaun". Jennifer Aniston’s first film and the introduction of one of my favorite movie characters of all time. All Warwick Davis wants is his gold! It’s his! Give it to him! Or he will kill you.

Finally, "Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice". Honestly, I don’t remember too much of this one, except a scene in which the corn kids make some guy’s nose bleed. He then proceeds to keep bleeding … and bleeding … and bleeding until he dies. He was killed by a nose bleed! Awesome.

The Most Underrated Films Of The Year:

Poetic Justice
Alive
Dazed and Confused

If you ask me what it is about "Poetic Justice" that holds it in such high esteem from me, I don’t know if I could really tell you. For some reason, when I watch this film, it strikes a chord with me. I’m really not all that impressed with Janet Jackson but I thought Tupac Shakur did a great job. Putting aside the number of times a deceased artist can release albums, he really was a decent actor. "Juice" and "Gridlock’d" are other films in which he provides a good example for musicians/actors. Are you reading this, Britney Spears?

"Alive" was an amazing true story about plane crash survivors forced to do ANYTHING to survive. It was well put together and acted and proves that "Soylent Green" probably tasted like chicken. ... Because it was people. ... Get it. ... Soylent Green is people! ... Oh, forget it.

Watching "Dazed and Confused" almost made me wish I had gone to high school in the ‘70s. Of course, if growing up in the ‘70s meant Ben Affleck was going to paddle me, I’m glad I missed it. "Dazed" is loaded with known actors, most of whom provide great performances and capture the spirit of the times. And if you don’t find enjoyment in Matthew McConaughey’s take on high school girls, you’re an idiot.

1992

1993-01-01T22:01:00.000-08:00

The Best Films of the Year:

1. Unforgiven
2. The Crying Game
3. A Few Good Men
4. Glengarry Glen Ross
5. Reservoir Dogs
6. Malcolm X
7. Last of the Mohicans
8. A League of Their Own
9. Of Mice and Men
10. Sneakers

“Unforgiven” is Clint Eastwood, Morgan Freeman, Richard Harris and Gene Hackman being some of the biggest bad asses ever to be put to celluloid. The film is easily the best Western since Clint was a younger bad ass in his heyday. It incorporated great direction, a great script, great cinematography and amazing acting performances. If you haven’t seen this film and like Westerns, you’re an idiot for missing it.

“The Crying Game” blew me away. That sounds bad. Ummm … it left me speechless. That’s better … I think. This is Neil Jordan’s best film, in my opinion, and he couldn’t have chosen better actors to portray the leads than Stephen Rea and Jaye Davidson. They electrify the screen with tension and longing. I’m skirting around the main controversy about the film and don’t want to ruin it for the one person who doesn’t know, but the long and the short of it is that if you are okay with a slower paced drama, this film is amazing.

Some may be surprised by how high I put “A Few Good Men”, (though not my college roommate). Here’s the thing, I know and freely acknowledge that Tom Cruise is Cole Trickle from “Days of Thunder” in every film. But I’m still a fan somehow. I feel comforted to know I will get what I expect each time he’s on screen. Though with this film, he had an excellent supporting cast, great direction and a fantastic script. It’s a complete movie, leaving no loose ends.

With "Glengarry Glen Ross", we get to possibly one of the greatest movies showcasing how actors can create such powerful performances that it’s okay there isn’t a car chase. I’m a big David Mamet fan and his words are given such life by the amazing actors that each scene is a powder keg.

“Reservoir Dogs” is probably my favorite Quentin Tarantino film, though I don’t give him the Godlike status some indie fans seem to have bestowed. “Malcolm X” reminds us that ‘We didn’t land on Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock landed on us!” Aside from “Gangs of Crap (New York)”, Daniel Day-Lewis doesn’t choose losing films and “Last of the Mohicans” is yet another shining example.

The remaining films are all great and fun and whatnot, but I was really reaching to find 10 great films this year. Seriously, the only films I think any movie buff should make sure they have seen are the first four. After that, the longevity of the films starts to fade.

The Worst Films of the Year:

1. Captain America
2. Death Becomes Her
3. Toys
4. Far and Away
5. Prelude to a Kiss

God, what a waste of money and time these films are. “Captain America” is just plain awful, from every angle a film can be awful. “Death Becomes Her” is stupid. Stupid in the way that a 19 year old repeating 5th grade is stupid. “Toys” was such a sucker punch to the gut I still can’t tell if I should have been surprised how boring the film was, since it seemed to be set to amaze everyone but ended up more like “Ishtar” than “Toy Story”.

“Far and Away” is far and away one of the worst casting decisions in modern movie history. I’d rather have seen Buddy Hackett and Beyoncé Knowles than Cruise and Kidman. Want to get really drunk? (yes) Watch the movie and take a sip every time an accent is dropped or you feel like either character should be shot.

“Prelude to a Kiss” is just a really creepy idea. Here’s how IMDb has the plot described: “A couple fall in love despite the girl's pessimistic outlook. As they struggle to come to terms with their relationship, something supernatural happens that tests it.” And the supernatural thing isn’t something cool like he’s got super strength or the ability to travel through time. An old guy comes and kisses Meg Ryan and switches bodies with her. So now Alec Baldwin is actually married to an old guy who just lost his wife but wants another chance at happiness. Really, someone said yes to that. Idiot.

The Most Horrible Films That Are Fun to Watch:

1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
2. Under Siege
3. Universal Soldier
4. Freejack
5. Mr. Baseball

“Buffy” is such a guilty pleasure I don’t want to talk about it. But come on, it’s got Paul "Pee Wee Herman" Reubens! One of the best death scenes ever.

“Under Siege” has Gary Busey and Tommy Lee Jones chewing up so much scenery that it makes my heart leap. I even enjoyed the mumbled ‘acting’ of Steven Seagal as he tried to look like a bad ass on sped up film again.

“Universal Soldier” is the meeting of two of the greats in celluloid history, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren. It also has Tom 'Tiny' Lister Jr. and Eric Norris, who is indeed Chuck’s son! Awesome!

“Freejack” brought together Emilio Estevez, Rene Russo, Anthony Hopkins and Mick Jagger! It involves snatching bodies right before their death so dying people in the future can transfer their minds over. A much better idea that “Prelude to a Kiss”. Maybe if the old guy needed Meg Ryan’s body to survive …

Last but not least on this list … well, I guess it is least since it’s number five. Whatever. “Mr. Baseball” lets Tom Selleck bring his mustache to Japan and swing some big wood while falling in love with a Japanese woman. A love story for the ages.

The Most Underrated/Overlooked Films of the Year:

Singles
Night on Earth

“Singles” is another Seattle story by Cameron Crowe. I like those better than his San Diego ones. Anyway, this film is a fun romp through the faux-grunge scene at the time and even includes the members of Pearl Jam backing up Matt Dillon in his band, Citizen Dick. Good, good times.

“Night on Earth” was released in Europe in 1991 but got to American soil in 1992 so here it lands. Jim Jarmusch put together five stories of cab rides around the world and the craziness among them all. It’s got funny moments, sad moments and Roberto Benigni as one of the weirdest cab drivers ever. If you like independent film, this is a can’t miss.

1991

1992-01-15T10:07:00.000-08:00

1991 was one of the most amazing year’s I’ve ever seen, as far as mediocre and cheesy movies go. I had to stretch to make a top ten list but as you’ll see below, there are some categories of film I had to invent in order to include as much as possible.

And somehow I still left out “City Slickers”, “Jungle Fever”, “Thelma & Louise”, “The Doors”, “Madonna: Truth or Dare”, “What About Bob?”, “Drop Dead Fred”, “Stone Cold”, “Backdraft”, “Robin hood: Prince of Thieves”, “The Rocketeer”, “Hot Shots!”, “Necessary Roughness”, “Doc Hollywood”, “Barton Fink”, “Lionheart”, “The Commitments”, “My Girl”, “Cape Fear”, “Hook” and “The Prince of Tides”.

It’s up to you to decide where I’d place those movies but now I think you are starting to appreciate how amazingly bland but memorable 1991 is shaping up. So without further ado, here’s how I rank 1991:

The Best Films of the Year:

1. The Silence of the Lambs
2. The Fisher King
3. Grand Canyon
4. Rush
5. Regarding Henry
6. My Own Private Idaho
7. La Femme Nikita
8. Terminator 2: Judgment Day
9. The Man in the Moon
10. Boyz n the Hood

Big shock “The Silence of the Lambs” topped the list for the year. Actually the shocking thing is that the film was released in January and still swept all the major awards at the Oscars. As shown in recent history, usually 80% of the films nominated are released in the last month and a half of the year. For a film to hang on that long and win Best Picture, Director, Actor and Actress is astounding. Of course, that could also mean the rest of the year wasn’t that strong. You figure it out.

I loved “The Fisher King”. It was great to see Robin Williams in a dramatic role and this was another movie where Jeff Bridges shows off how underrated he is as an actor.

“Grand Canyon” is one of those big ensemble films that loads up on reputable actors and tries to show the audience a slice of real life. Only this time, it worked. A great film.

“Rush” highlights some of the best acting performances of the year in Jason Patric and Jennifer Jason Leigh. Their portrayals of addicts were fantastic and this is one of the first films I remember seeing that was really dark and gritty. Most of the films in the ‘80s that touched on this subject weren’t able to go this far.

“Regarding Henry” is, I think, Harrison Ford’s best acting performance (Don’t go all “Witness” or “Mosquito Coast” on me for saying that). The film is just a touching and heartbreaking look at what’s important in life. It’s okay to cry at this one.

“My Own Private Idaho” is Keanu Reeves’ best performance and reminds us how good River Phoenix was as an actor. If he hadn’t of overdosed, we might have been spared the phenomenon that is Leonardo DiCraprio. The niche would have been filled … and by a much better actor.

“La Femme Nikita” is another Luc Besson classic. Don’t watch the laughable American remake “Point of No Return”. This is the one to see. It also is the spark that made way for “Leon”. While waiting to get “The Fifth Element” into production, Besson wrote “Leon” for Jean Reno, based partially off his role in “La Femme Nikita”.

“T2” made the list not so much because it’s a phenomenal film but because it’s a phenomenal movie. I hope I don’t need to describe the difference when my movie snob language bursts out. In any case, “T2” was James Cameron’s last good movie and capped off a nice run of good action flicks. The effects helped propel Hollywood to where it is today and it’s always nice to see a Governor kick a little ass.

“The Man in the Moon” is a sappy and touchy-feely film about an adolescent girl (Reese Witherspoon) falling in love with the good London twin, Jason. It’s well done, sort of more a Hallmark movie of the week, but good performances throughout. This wouldn’t have made the list on a better year but it’s worth a rental if you like these kinds of films.

The same is true of “Boyz n the Hood”. “Menace II Society” is a much better film about life in South Central Los Angeles and I really only included this to get Ice Cube a chance to be in the top ten list, rather than relegated to films that are horrible but fun to watch (i.e. “Anaconda”, Ghost of Mars”, “Torque”, etc.)

The Worst Films of the Year:

1. Nothing but Trouble
2. The Butcher’s Wife
3. Switch
4. Hudson Hawk
5. King Ralph

While the top ten was less than exciting and the subsequent lists are full of average but exceedingly kitschy films, 1991 was still able to produce some bottom feeding films.

“Nothing But Trouble” is nothing but ipecac on celluloid. What do you expect to get when you combine the comedic ‘talents’ of a past his prime Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd and Demi Moore? Not even the great John Candy or the appearance of Taylor Negron or Brian Doyle-Murray could help this film.

“The Butcher’s Wife” sees Demi back to back on the list. Thinking about this film hurts my head.

“Switch” offended me on multiple levels. They did choose Ellen Barkin appropriately, because she’s a bit man-ish and freaks me out. What offended me was Jimmy Smits having the hots for her. It was creepy. Toss in the ridiculous setups and gags and you have one nauseating piece of crap.

“Hudson Hawk” isn’t as bad as most critics say. It wasn't so much bad as it was boring. It’s one of those films that comes on Saturday afternoons and puts you to sleep faster than an Orioles-Tigers baseball game.

“King Ralph” is the first movie to earn the distinction of putting me to sleep in the theater. And I saw an afternoon showing! I usually like John Goodman and his likeability is the only redeemable aspect. The rest is pure schlock and drivel.

The Most Horrible Films That Are Fun To Watch:

1. If Looks Could Kill
2. Double Impact
3. Showdown in Little Tokyo
4. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze
5. The Last Boy Scout
6. Warlock
7. Ski School
8. Suburban Commando
9. The Punisher
10. New Jack City

Now we’re coming down to the good stuff of the year. I assert that any true movie buff should have seen all ten of these films. They are all astounding for various reasons.

“If Looks Could Kill” is 007 for the “21 Jump Street” crowd.

“Double Impact” gives audiences two Jean-Claude Van Damme’s for the price of one!

“Showdown in Little Tokyo” has one of the best duos ever put to the silver screen, Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee. Add Tia Carrere for a piece of you know what and Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa as a villain and you have one great time!

“TMNT II” is great fun for a number of reasons. For some reason, Corey Feldman was replaced as the voice of Donatello in this one but he was back for number three. Weird. Also, with a performance by Vanilla Ice, how can you go wrong? Go ninja, go ninja, go!

“The Last Boy Scout” is tremendous fun for the buddy pic lover in all of us. It also points out one of my favorite hypocritical statements ever made by a celebrity. Halle Berry said she only took off her top for 2001’s “Swordfish” because it was essential to her character and that was why she hadn’t done nudity before. (I’m sure the reported seven-figure sum she was offered to do so wasn’t a factor.) However, in this film she played a stripper! If you can find another role more deserving of nudity, cast Jessica Alba – For everyone’s sake. (Though she did play a stripper in "Sin City" and rob us of our money's worth there too). What is it about actresses playing stippers?

“Warlock” is a bit of a misnomer, as it was actually released in Australia in 1989 but didn’t get released stateside until 1991. In any case, Julian Sands was the perfect choice and this is just good USA Up All Night fun.

“Ski School” sees Chainsaw from “Summer School” come to the forefront and I couldn’t be happier. Tremendous fun. For a really great time, see this in between “Hot Dog” and “Out Cold”. The Skiilogy is born! Oh crap, you could also throw in “Better Off Dead” and make it a Skidralatoral.

“Suburban Commando” enlisted Hulk Hogan to play an alien warrior named Shep. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

“The Punisher” should never have been remade over a decade later. This version solved all the needs of the public. It also gave Dolph some more work this year. Where is he now?!?

“New Jack City” made this list sort of by accident. It’s not really a bad movie but I had no where else to put it. It didn’t quite fit anywhere else and I just had to use one of my favorite quotes ever. This film not only has Chris Rock, as Pookie, telling people he’ll suck their dick for coke. More importantly, Ice T, upon collaring a bad guy, utters the immortal line: “I wanna shoot you so bad, my dick’s hard!” It doesn’t really get better than that.

The Most Underrated/Overlooked Films of the Year:

The Addams Family
Dutch
Point Break
Career Opportunities
Soapdish
Little Man Tate

So many films fell from this list. I still couldn’t bear to shorten it any more than I already did. “The Addams Family” is perhaps the only movie to bring a TV series to the big screen and do it right. “Dutch” is my pick for best Thanksgiving film of all time. "Point Break" sees Keanu and Patrick Swayze fight for the love of Gary Busey. Okay, not quite but I like to think of it that way.

“Career Opportunities” gives us the answer of why those animatronic horse rides in front of K-Marts are essential to the good of the country. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go see the film. I’ll give you a hint: Jennifer Connelly.

“Soapdish” is one of those films that can accurately be classified as a ‘romp’. Good fun for all, it’s so cheesy you may want drink a glass of wine with this film. And “Little Man Tate” is just a sweet film that I had to keep on a list for the year. If you’re a sap, you’ll like this one.

The Best Titles Not Already Mentioned of the Year:

Cool as Ice
V.I. Warshawski
Ninja Bachelor Party
The Perfect Weapon
The Guyver
Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man
Billy Bathgate
Karniggels
And You Thought Your Parents Were Weird
Naked Lunch
Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead
Not Without My Daughter
Whore

Some of these fell off the horrible but fun list, some off the worst list. In either case, their titles were so much fun I had to include them somewhere. And I also had to include “Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead” so I could echo the line, “The dishes are DONE, man!

1991: The Year Sequels Ruled The Earth:

Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey
Return to the Blue Lagoon
Puppet Master II
Puppet Master III: Toulon’s Revenge
The Neverending Story II: The Next Chapter
An Americal Tail 2: Fievel Goes West
American Ninja 4: The Annihilation
Mannequin 2: On the Move
Maniac Cop 2
The Naked Gun 2 ½: The Smell of Fear
Problem Child 2
No Retreat, No Surrender 4
Trancers II
F/X 2
Kickboxer 2: The Road Back
Scanners 2: The New Order
Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time
Child’s Play 3
Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare
Ernest Scared Stupid
House Party 2
The Highlander II: The Quickening
Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
Snake Eater II: The Drug Buster

How in the hell can one year provide so many sequels! Some of them are fantastic, most of them suck. But you have to appreciate that there were two sequels of “Puppet Master” in one calendar year. Don’t forget that “TMNT II” and "T2" also came out this year. I’m just awestruck by the volume of revisits to the same well.

1990

1991-01-16T11:50:00.000-08:00

The Best Films Of The Year:

1. Cinema Paradiso (Nuovo Cinema Paradiso)
2. Good Fellas
3. Misery
4. Awakenings
5. The Hunt for Red October
6. Miller’s Crossing
7. White Hunter Black Heart
8. Dances With Wolves
9. Pretty Woman
10. Jacob’s Ladder

Let me be frank. 1990 was a terrible year for films. The top six on this list are about the only ones (aside from the underrated and horribly fun lists) that I recommend anyone actually watch.

“Cinema Paradiso” is one of my favorite films and after being a projectionist, I love it even more. Released internationally in '89, it landed stateside in 1990. This is a prime example of why you should frequent your local art house theaters to find the foreign gems forgotten by the googleplexes.

“Good Fellas” is arguably Martin Scorsese’s last good film. (I sort of call “Casino” a clone of this film). In any case, few things are more fun than watching Joe Pesci lose his temper and this film exemplifies that point. If you somehow missed this film and liked “The Godfather”, go out and see this.

“Misery” was the breakout role for Kathy Bates, who doesn’t seem to take too many critical hits ever since she did this film. She’s like the Queen Latifah of white people. Bad films may happen but they don’t get blamed.

“Awakenings” is a touching film that also made me sort of want to be in a coma. I know, I’m weird. Robert De Niro and Robin Williams give incredible performances and the nurse who assists Williams is Julie Kavner, who is a voice on the “Simpsons”. So that’s pretty cool, too.

“The Hunt for Red October” is the best adaptation of a Tom Clancy novel made as of 2006. Director John McTiernan did a fantastic job putting all the elements together, even though due to budget constraints they had to change the ending. Alec Baldwin is the best choice for the character of Jack Ryan and it's a shame that some power struggles caused him to not be involved in future films in the series. Special shout outs to Sean Connery and Sam Neill for their work in this film as well. If you like political action/adventure/dramas, this is one of the best.

“White Hunter Black Heart” is a thought-provoking drama, “Miller’s Crossing” is a gritty film with good performances and the rest of the list are decent films. I just don’t love them. I had to stretch to make the list a full ten, as happens from time to time.

The Worst Films of the Year:

1. Ghost Dad
2. The Bonfire of the Vanities
3. Look Who’s Talking Too
4. The Adventures of Ford Fairlane
5. Dick Tracy

Funny enough, I couldn’t find too many films to put into this list. It’s as if 1990 was filled with films between good and bad. Just kind of blah. Don’t get me wrong, these five are bad. I only know one person who likes “The Adventures of Ford Fairlane” and somehow I’m not surprised. The rest are forgettable at best. Save your time for something more productive like sticking Q-tips into orifices.

The Most Horrible Films That Are Fun To Watch:

1. Total Recall
2. Men at Work
3. House Party
4. Young Guns II
5. Days of Thunder
6. Blind Fury
7. Gremlins 2
8. Navy Seals
9. Spaced Invaders
10. Robot Jox

Woo, boy. Did I just write that? Whatever. Like the following year, 1990 is stacked with films that are just so bad they’re fun. “Total Recall” is just good clean fun, letting a Governor go to Mars and somehow survive its atmosphere. That Michael Ironside is the guy chasing him only sweetens the pot.

“Men at Work” almost makes it look like fun to be a sanitation engineer. More importantly, it gave the world the line: “Looks like somebody threw away a perfectly good white boy!” There are so many other good quotes but that’s my favorite.

“House Party” gave the world the acting debut of Christopher Reid and Christopher Martin, better known as Kid N Play. If you want a hilarious look at fashion in the late ‘80s/early ‘90s, this is the film to watch.

“Young Guns II” boasts a cast that includes Emilio Estevez, Kiefer Sutherland, Lou Diamond Phillips, Christian Slater, William Petersen, James Coburn, Balthazar Getty, Viggo Mortensen and some guy named Boots Southerland. I just had to include his name. Anyway, almost more important than the cast is the theme song that was done by Bon Jovi. “Blaze of Glory” is still something fun to crank out of your camaro while looking for a parking spot at that NASCAR event. Wait … what?

Speaking of NASCAR, “Days of Thunder” sees the birth of Cole Trickle, Tom Cruise’s acting alter ego. It’s my professional opinion this character is the same character he plays in every film, short of maybe “Far and Away” since that one had an accent. Even in “Born on the Fourth of July”, I still see some Trickle in him.

“Blind Fury” was released in West Germany a few months before the Berlin wall fell but didn’t hit the U.S. until 1990. It gives the world the joy of seeing a blind Rutger Hauer kick ass with a samurai sword. Marvelous.

“Gremlins 2” is one of those wonderful little films that brings a smile to my heart. We finally see the emergence of ‘female’ gremlins and what says fun better than little creatures running amok in New York City?

“Navy Seals” is pure three-in-the-morning fun. Drink a forty, get a greasy burrito and pop this bad boy in your VCR. Oh, you have the DVD? Why?

“Spaced Invaders” sees a group of bungling aliens try to conquer the world. Only it’s Halloween and everyone thinks they’re trick or treaters. Tell me, is there anything in that formula that doesn’t work?

Oh, “Robot Jox”. Where have you been all my life? This clunker is stupendous. In the future, why have a war when you can have people man giant mechanized robots and fight in arenas? Seriously, why don’t we do this in today’s society? It’d get much better ratings than “The Bachelor”.

I couldn’t quite fit in “Tremors” or “Ski Patrol” onto the list but wanted to mention them for my own peace of mind.

The Most Underrated/Overlooked Films Of The Year:

Side Out
Kindergarten Cop
My Blue Heaven
Pump Up The Volume
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Home Alone

Some good cheese this year. “Side Out” is the best beach volleyball movie ever made. “Kindergarten Cop” taught us wonderful phrases like “It’s not a tumor” and showed the world that a cop can be a teacher, so why can’t an Austrian bodybuilder be Governor?

“My Blue Heaven” is good, clean fun for the whole family. “Pump Up The Volume” is not as clean but just as fun. Christian Slater’s radio show is better than anything currently on the air.

“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” is just pure glory. I’m going to be disappointed by the upcoming CGI Turtles film. I can just feel it.

And “Home Alone”, well I want to hate it. Something in me feels stupid for liking it but it’s one of those Christmas movies that’s just fun and nice. Oy.

The Best Titles Of The Year:

"Comment faire l’amour avec un négre sans se fatiguer"
which translates from French to:
"How to Make Love to a Negro Without Getting Tired"

Just let that title sink in. I mean, wow. I haven’t seen it but one of the reviews I read labeled it just about the most offensive film they’ve ever seen. Which means I need to find it and judge for myself. But seriously … wow. That title is … amazing. Simply amazing.

Other titles that had me going were:

Frankenhooker
Roller Coaster Rabbit
Life is Cheap … But Toilet Paper is Expensive
Russian Terminator

All good titles, but that first one is probably the best one I’ve ever heard of. I’m still in awe.

“Lambada” vs. “The Forbidden Dance”

That’s right, kids. In the same calendar year, there were competing films about the short-lived dance craze known as the lambada.

In the first film, Jennifer Lopez helps create a stupid movie. That’s a first. In actuality, the film is really about a guy named Kevin ‘Blade’ Laird who’s a high school teacher with a double life of a lambada dancer! Wow, that’s pretty … what’s the word … dumb. Yeah, that it.

In “The Forbidden Dance” … well, I can’t summarize this too well so I’ll cheat and give you the description at IMDb:

“A princess in the Amazon rain forests tries to fight a conglomerate threatening the forests by going to Los Angeles. There she links up with a rich kid who tells her that she must get on TV to succeed with her mission. Quick as a wink the two come up with the idea of winning a lambada dance contest that is getting TV attention. A witch doctor also accompanies the princess and provides some humor.”

Anyone else interested in watching this?

One of these days I’m going to be so bored and drunk that I’ll double feature these. I better start stockpiling liquor because it’s going to take quite a lot of it.

The Shafted of a Theatrical Release Movie of the Year:

Ninja Academy

This little gem was only released on the big screen in the Phillipines (WTF!) but thankfully was released on video this side of the Pacific. If you like your films ridiculously campy and kitschy, you need to see this one.